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Back Story

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The typical “nice guy”.

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That was me…

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“He wouldn’t hurt a fly!” They would say,

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Sure…

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Harmless, “Not a bad bone in him!”…

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Being nice was my way strategy for feeling safe.

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Frightened by the bullies at school, I found ways to befriend them and gain their favour.

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This meant I was no longer a target.

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How did I do it?

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Often times through acting out of character and fitting into their personality types.

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A social chameleon…

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It didn’t stop at school, I began camouflaging myself in different social dynamics which made making friends incredibly easy.

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I was in with The Nerds, The Emo Kids, The Bullies, The Metal Heads, The Inbetweeners and the rest…

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It was strange to experience going from the guy with 100s of friends, to quite literally only having a single person I could call “friend”.

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Honestly, I’m not even sure about that either…

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I don’t have many friends these days.

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I no longer care about gaining everybody’s approval.

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I’m good living a simple life, and it’s ok if people don’t like me. It’s rare that it happens, but I’m ok with it nevertheless.

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What changed?

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Well…

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I let go of the need to feel good.

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I detached myself from the need to feel joy, happiness, and elated emotional states that we so often place on pedestals.

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Why?

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Because it turned out to be incredibly unreliable, and such a life chasing happiness was centred in dishonesty, self-betrayal, anxious people pleasing and fear of loneliness.

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I also experienced betrayal for the first time in my life, and that’s what lead me to ranking a "particular something” far higher than happiness in my view of what it means to live a great life.

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What is it?

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Well… It’s something that has been lost in modern times.

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A forgotten treasure known only to few.

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To those who are courageous enough to do what is right, even if it will result in their own pain.

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To those who are more concerned with earning the favour of Allah, as opposed to the favour of man or woman.

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The virtue I’m talking about here that exceeds happiness on my hierarchy of values is…

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Honour…

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And what is that?

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Well, let me explain.

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What Is Honour?

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We live in a world today where most people are more concerned with “feeling good” as opposed to “doing what’s right”.

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In fact, the very notion of right and wrong is being challenged, and I too put it to trial back in the days of “Hippy Life”.

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On a deep, spiritual level there may not be such a thing as right or wrong. This is called Non-Duality.

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However… as long as our feet are placed upon the Earth, we must work to conduct ourselves in accordance to The Divine Law.

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That is… The unspoken, universally known truth that some things are wrong while others are right.

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Let me simplify it for you.

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The difference between right and wrong is the difference between virtue and vice.

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Vice means something you clutch to, something that serves as a crutch via which you seek escape from this world.

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Drugs, alcohol, quick pleasures, junk food, numbing agents and stimulants that rapidly alter the state so that you can ease your suffering.

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Such vices are what so many of us fall prisoner to.

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I myself had a 3 year journey binge eating and smoking weed every day, and it was in fact, coming out that prison that my value system received a software upgrade.

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The upgrade of Honour exceeding Happiness on the hierarchy of values.

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I was living solely for my own pleasure and desires.

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There was nothing driving my choice making mechanism other than wanting to feel good and remain somewhat comfortable.

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The idea of responsibility was something for which I held disdain.

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Saying “No” to other was seemingly impossible due to my fear of conflict and rejection.

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Such a weak existence can only lead to deep suffering, as was my experience.

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It was when I realised how what I was doing was innately wrong that everything changed.

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My mother was working a full time job, putting food on the table, waking early, sleeping little and sacrificing her own desires so what…

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I could fulfil mine and spend the majority of each day over-indulging?

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How guilty I felt… Knowing how much she was doing and all for what?

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To fund a young man in his mid 20s as he wasted every waking moment of his life.

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I longed to show thanks and gratitude to my mother, to repay her somehow…

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But oh how wrong was I about how such a repayment would be issued.

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It is not through money that we repay our parents.

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It is not through words that we prove to God how thankful we are for having been created.

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No…

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Any parent that is to some degree healthy in mind will find joy in seeing their child create success.

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To know their child is strong, happy, and can take care of his/herself.

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That was the opposite of me back then…

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And I felt such deep pain knowing I wasn’t living up to my potential.

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Honour…

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To do the right thing…

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To sacrifice my own personal wants, desires and preferences and to take on the responsibility of becoming a man that had awaited me so long.

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Thank God I woke up to this…

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And I pray you do too…

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Your personal desires are not as important as you think they are.

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Sure… follow your heart and pursue the fulfilment of your mission.

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But always have within your mind the following questions.

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“Am I fulfilling my role?”

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“Am I living with honour?”

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You see… paradoxically, the reward for living with honour and sacrificing personal pleasures is more liberation and fulfilment.

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You may apply restrictions to your geographical location, daily schedule, diet, social company and behaviours…

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And this will not (if done correctly) lead to a saddened, boring life.

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Rather, for a man (who I can only speak for), this is exactly what is necessary for a thriving life.

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Man finds fulfilment in finding a purpose to live that transcends his own desires.

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Thus, Honour is to live for reasons beyond oneself, and to allow such reasons to guide ones choices.

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It’s not about you…

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It was, never has, and never will be all about you.

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This is about humanity.

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It’s about evolution.

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It’s about your children, your family, and the greater collective.

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When you deny this and live only for your own pleasures, you (by effect) create loneliness, cutting yourself off from the whole and imprisoning yourself within a “particle”.

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Find a reason to live that exceeds your sole self.

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Act upon that reason knowing on The Last Day you will be held to account.

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Do the right thing, especially when it’s hard…

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This is what Honour means to me.

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And it is ranked highest on my hierarchy of values for the reason that without it, there is no peace, there is no joy, there is no fulfilment and there will be only a miserable end…

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Next time

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In the next letter we will explore the value ranked second on my hierarchy.

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That is…

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Gratitude

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I must inform you, we will be exploring a take on gratitude that I’m sure you have never heard before.

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This is no empty promise…

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Be ready next Thursday at 6:30 BST (UK time)

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Offerings

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If you made it to the end of this letter I’m proud of you.

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You are one of the chosen few with an attention span and willingness to learn far greater than the majority.

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I wish to gently offer you some invitations.

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Alpha Mind (50% off) - My new meditation/ concentration program is currently discounted at 50%. Sharpen your mind, learn to focus and be more present in every area of your life. (Learn more)

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The Unchained Method (20% off) - If you’re tired of taking one step forwards and three steps back on your discipline journey, and want to become the version of you that you most admire, here’s how I’m doing that for myself and can help you do it too. (Learn more here)

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5 Element Yoga System - Developing a daily yoga practice changed my life forever from the inside out. Here’s how you can get started today. (Learn more here)

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Make sure to get more information on anything that peaks your curiosity.

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If you’re not interested right now, that’s ok too.

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With that being said,

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Keep going…

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You’re doing great.

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Stay sharp, stay blessed

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@usman_unchained

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