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“Don’t do that, be nice’’… 

I’m sure you’ve been told those words before… 

Our parents would say them to us repeatedly as children, especially when there was conflict between us and our siblings. 

Perhaps upon being mistreated, in aggressive retaliation we were told to ‘’be nice’’. So we stand down, allowing the bully to go away unscathed, learning that violence is something to be avoided at all costs.

This is one way people pleasers and pushovers are born. 

Today, a lot of men struggle with lacking self respect, falling into the friend zone, or fearing conflict wither with the women in their lives, or men they may know. 

We as the majority of modern men have become too agreeable, passive, submissive and weak… 

Our ancestors would be ashamed… 

Defining Niceness 

‘’Be nice…’’ 

What do those words really mean? 

What is nice actually referring to when we tell our children and friends that they are ‘’nice’’ or that something is ‘’nice’’. 

Certainly, we can at least say that we are referring to something that is in some way pleasant.

Yet here is where an issue arises… 

Is pleasantness always good? 

Is the hard truth, unpleasant as it may feel not what we need most sometimes? 

Does the bully learn through lack of consequence or does he change his ways when stricken back? 

What about thriving health, or a deep sense of inner peace. Do these prizes in life come through pursuing and subjecting ourselves only to that which is pleasant? 

Or does that which we seek the most require sacrifice, intentional discomfort and the willingness to experience a lot of unpleasantness? 

Children love to get what they want, it would be pleasant for them to get chocolate whenever and wherever they wish. 

But is that right? Is that ‘’good’’ for them? Would you be considered a good parent by falling to their demands whenever they are made? 

Of course not, at least not to those who have sense. 

Here we are touching on the fundamental difference between ‘’nice’’ and ‘’good’’. 

Good and nice are not the same. 

Nice always says yes. 

Good knows when to say no. 

Nice is pleasant.

Good is right. 

In this week’s Mastery Letter I’m going to dive deep into why nice guys really do finish last. 

The tendency to please others at our own peril costs us in health, wealth, happiness and relationships, those being, the four most valuable things to all human beings. 

If as you read you feel as though I am writing about you, reflect honestly on yourself and consider why you feel that way. 

Perhaps you have much work to do. 

Alternatively you may feel as though I am writing about somebody you are close to. 

You may not wish to hear this, but I encourage you to be weary of such a person, for reasons that will become clear as we dive deeper. 

There is hope for the nice guy, but only few are conscious and self aware enough to flip things around… 

People Pleasing

The typical ‘nice guy’ spends his whole life trying to look good in the eyes of others.

He worships and is slave to his self image. 

At the root of this is, although often overlooked is a deep sense of fear. 

He fears disappointing others, even if it is in the name of honesty and authenticity. 

Such a man will do anything to avoid upsetting others, even if that leads him to self sabotage and betrayal. 

He says yes when he means to say no, and no when he means so say yes. 

His word has no integrity, for he does not do what he says he will. He tells you what he thinks you wish to hear, so he may remain in your good books, yet does not follow through with action.

This fear of upsetting others turns him into an anxious people pleaser, afraid of saying no, afraid of being honest, for these could be taken the wrong way.

To be seen in the eyes of another as something rather negative is his nightmare, for he is under the illusion of considering himself to be purely positive, without a spec of darkness, without a shadow, which of course for all things that ‘matter’ is indeed impossible. 

He fears being misunderstood and having his intentions taken inaccurately, he is the epitome of niceness, so how could he ever intend wrong upon another? 

Of course this is not true, yes such a man may seem to operate on good intentions only, yet deep down it is often for selfish gain. 

The polishing of the self image. He must protect his image with his life, an impossible act which inevitably leads to a life of unconscious fear and anxiety. 

He believes that if he is to say no, then he is rude. 

He believes that if he is to establish a clear boundary, that he is being unreasonable and feels guilt for it. 

He believes that if he is to offend another with the truth, that he is innately a bad person and that their pain is entirely his fault. 

His compass has lost calibration, it does not see with maturity but rather with a more child-like perception. 

Young children are somewhat narcissistic, that is to be deeply insecure and overly concerned with themselves. 

Such a man is not respected, he is not taken seriously for he does not take himself seriously at all.  The nice guy allows himself to be tread upon, to be mistreated, abused, blamed and devalued, yet does nothing…

The nice guy is not to be vilified, that is not what I am attempting to do here, although it may seem so. It is true, he can not be trusted, for he is hyper-avoidant of conflict, and true relationships that last are strengthened by conflict resolved skilfully. 

He can not be trusted, for he repeatedly breaks his word to both himself and others. When he has integrated his unconscious tendencies and brought them into light, then he may earn the trust of good people. 

Is the nice guy truly bad in his core? 

No, he is wounded.

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Happy All The Time? 

There was once a time where people knew me as the happiest man around. 

No matter what, I presented a smile, a happy demeanour and a positive attitude. 

Such traits are fundamentally good you would think, however in this case there was something hidden deep beneath the surface. 

Behind this happy and positive presentation was a heart that suffered, overthinking, obsessive, impulsive and overly-concerned with the opinions that others had of me. 

If I were to feel disrespected or wronged by another, I would pretend as though it did not bother me, when in reality it did. 

This bred great resentment, until it would compound over time and eventually erupt. 

Why would this happen? 

I was not allowing myself to feel the emotion of anger. 

For me, I had decided at some time that anger was bad and that if I were to feel or show anger, it would make me a bad person. 

I never wanted to be seen in the eyes of another person as somebody that could inflict harm, or somebody that could be aggressive. 

It was all peace and love…

During childhood I remember fearing my father, especially when he would get angry. 

To be like him in any way would be the greatest life failure, how blind I was back then…

Anger became a part of my shadow, I hid it well and locked it away in a box deep within. To those who could not see through my facade I was the happiest man on Earth. 

In suppressing anger I did not know that would also cost me my drive for life, healthy aggression and the ability to assert myself with respect and sharpness.

I became a pushover. 

For me, I believed that anger was simply not a part of my life, I never got angry, at least that is what I thought. 

Yet then I came to realise that suppressing anger was in no way a healthy way to live, nor was it the path to true peace. 

It lead me to being extremely dishonest, hiding how I really felt about others and their behaviour, in the attempt to avoid conflict at all costs, leading often to resentment and endless rumination. 

You can not build strong relationships without having difficult conversations. This applies to both personal and professional life. 

Upon this realisation I chose to embrace the anger I had locked away within. 

My priority changed from happiness to peace, and it was in this change that I began to allow myself to feel the sensation of anger for the first time. 

Conflict became less frightening to me, and as I let go of the pristine self image I was trying so hard to preserve, I began to feel not only more at peace, but more self respecting, honest and authentic. 

This is not to say that I then became a tyrant, not at all. When feeling anger, I learned how to stop invalidating myself, to regulate my emotional state, and to use anger as a driving force, as well as a guide in learning more about my values and boundaries that needed establishing. 

The old version of me was deluded, like a child, believing that there could be a life without any unpleasantness. 

I wanted to be seen as the nicest guy, the happiest guy, the positive guy. 

Anger in my eyes was purely negative, I saw no use in it, yet this is not the truth. 

Anger must be felt, it is a signal that can show us where we have been wronged in some way, it masks over sadness and drives us to stand up for ourselves. 

If you seek to be happy 100% of the time, you are likely to fail. 

Embrace the spectrum of emotions, for if you do not, you will only present a lie to those around you, and a lie requires energy to uphold. 

Not only this, you will deny yourself the opportunity for true self mastery. That is, the process of coming to know all aspects of yourself, mastering them for the ultimate life experience. 

Soon enough, the mask will crumble, and the truth will be revealed. 

It would serve you to take it off before it is forced off your face. 

The Mask

We all wear masks. 

We smile when we wish to frown, we laugh when the joke is not funny. 

But the face never lies. 

We can present a mask and say that we are not angry, not sad, not bothered or affected by something which has taken place, but it can be seen clearly with those that have eyes that can see. 

Those who know their own masks can see masks on others. The boiling of blood, the tension in the shoulders, the lie behind the smile. 

Such a life, denying one’s authentic expression is a life rooted in fear. 

There is no peace in this. 

It leads to no good end, and often times results in harmful, explosive eruption of emotion. 

Suppression of emotions is often misunderstood as a strength, when it is indeed a weakness. 

It takes courage to feel deeply, whatever it may be. 

Emotional pain sometimes hurts more than physical pain, therefore we avoid it. 

Yet once again the main reason why we, and the typical nice guy might choose to wear a mask is to sustain a positive self image, to avoid conflict and keep the peace. 

If only I had known this earlier… 

Peace does not lie within the attachment to happiness. Attachment of any kind leads to more suffering, for just as the weather shifts, so do our emotions. 

There will be a moment where you feel unpleasant, it is through the practice of surrender and radical acceptance that we can experience most peace in this life. 

When the nice guy learns to let go of his self image, to allow others to misunderstand him without taking it personally, to say what he means when he means to say it, even if it may offend or cause disruption, he is liberated from his own self-strangling. 

He must take off his mask and show who he truly is underneath, for in continuing to deny this he only perpetuates pain. 

If he wishes to establish true, loving and deep relationships, he must allow others to know his honest self. Else he will trick others into relationship with a false version of who he is, leaving the truth to be revealed later, more painfully. 

Unpleasant emotions are only unpleasant because we judge them to be so. 

It is our resistance to them that creates suffering, not the discomfort in and of itself.

Let yourself be misunderstood. 

Value the truth more than telling people what you think they wish to hear. 

Place your priority in the exhibition of honour and courage, not in the preservation of pleasantness. 

This is healing for the man who is an anxious people pleaser, the wearer of many masks. 

The Friend Zone

The fear of being misunderstood manifests greatly in relationship to women for the nice guy. 

He finds himself making friends with females that he secretly desires more from. 

This pretending is the worst form of manipulation, for his true intentions are hidden, while he presents a facade of harmlessness and friendliness. 

He fears that if he were to be honest, he would be misunderstood or rejected. 

His niceness is a reflection of his lack of confidence and assertion. 

Deep down he longs to share love with a woman, yet continually he is seen in women’s eyes as nothing more than a friend.

This breaks his heart, he wonders why this cycle keeps repeating, blind to the fact that he is indeed the problem.

The nice guy lacks manhood, and as mentioned before he has a child-like perception on life. 

Energetically he radiates the aura of a boy, not of a man. 

Women wish to be with men, not with boys. 

Once he realises the nature of his manipulative ways, and takes on the risk of being hurt through rejection or fracturing his self image, he will gain the confidence he so lacks. 

It is through the practice of embracing rejection that he will indeed surprise himself with the truth of real, authentic and romantic human interaction. 

He is more worthy of a beautiful woman than he believes, yet his insecurity holds him back from ever experiencing this, unless he is able to break the pattern of niceness and embody a more masculine, stoic and honest frame.

He will come to realise that there is such a thing as ‘’too nice’’ that turns a woman off. 

What this really means is that she senses his inauthenticity. She detects his stutter and knows subconsciously that she has power over him. 

She feels his timidity in pursuing her and making the first move, in taking a risk. 

These are not the traits of a man but yet again, those of a boy. 

In taking on such a presence he enters the friend zone, frustrated, desperate and dissatisfied. 

Unwillingly Committed

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the nice guy may find himself deeply trapped in sexual relationships with women. 

It begins with he pursuit for approval and validation from them, which are often gained through the manipulative act of pretending to be somebody he is not. 

When relationship is established, he loses interest, for all he really sought was gratification. One this is achieved, he no longer wishes to be in the relationship yet, via the fear of upsetting another and having his self-image tarnished, he remains, participating in a relationship he desires not to be in. 

This was precisely how one of my past relationships unfolded. 

I knew it was not right to be with a woman I was not willing to commit to, yet her approval had be addicted and intoxicated. 

The thought of being honest was coupled with thoughts of deeply upsetting her, this paralysed me for two whole years. 

I wished not to cause her pain, convinced that it was from a place of good will, when in truth it was with the intent to preserve my image. 

To be seen as a bad person was terrifying, and so I said yes, and pretended to be in love. 

Over time it became evident that the fear of hurting another lead to the withdrawal of truth and honesty, which inevitably lead to more pain in the end. 

Women can sense when a man is lying, she knows when his heart is not present. 

This woman in life demanded that I made changes to myself, that I made more effort, that I agree with her values, and I submitted, losing myself and confidence in the process. 

It was in fact this relationship and the pain we both experienced that lead me to making the personal vow of becoming the most honest person I knew. 

From that chapter, I became extremely committed to facing difficult conversations and speaking up when I knew something was not right. 

If we learn from our mistakes we improve as men, if we choose not to, the cycle continues until the pain is so great that we are forced to learn. 

Many men are pulled into relationships they wish not to be in, all due to the fear of saying no. 

Do not allow your yes to others to be a no to your truth. 

Unconscious Fears

Most of our behaviours take root in the subconscious mind. Some say a massive 90-95% of choices are made subconsciously.

The subconscious mind is that which habits operate through, within it is held our beliefs and sense of personal identity.

Our habits are automatic, it is the subconscious through which the lungs keep breathing and heart keeps beating, without the requirement for conscious input. 

What a blessing this is, for without such automation, we would be in charge of each and every heart beat. Surely, we would soon die if such a responsibility was in our hands. 

A blessing it may be, yet if the subconscious is programmed against us, we will find our experience of life extremely difficult.

That which we want, we will subconsciously sabotage. 

We wish for the true experience of love with a woman, yet we will avoid interaction with women through the fear of rejection. 

How we long for intimacy and deep connection with a woman yet we sabotage this through hiding authentic expression, through fear of being misunderstood or perceived in any negative light. 

A woman wishes to be ravished… 

The beauty craves the beast. 

Yet we have been taught to be nice, sterile, and reserved with our passion. 

Subconscious sabotage also shows up in business and work.

We may avoid asking for a just payment after providing value to others, once again for the fear of being misconstrued as materialistic or disingenuous, or being denied, rejected and left lonely in the end.

This leads to resentment, for we know deep down that we would like more, yet we are afraid to ask for it. 

What this shines light on, especially in regards to the nice guy is his lack of self worth and value. 

He does not value himself, that is why he allows others to mistreat him. 

He does not take himself seriously, nor does he value what he has to offer, and therefore he does not charge what he is rightfully entitled to charge in business. 

Resentful and passively aggressive, the nice guy can not be trusted. 

It is clear now however, is it not? That the nice guy is hurt within his core. He is not at peace, he is in fear, he feels inadequate and has suffered a past which taints his present. 

This is another reason why the nice guy is not to be demonised. 

In lacking self worth and value, it is easy for the nice guy to be triggered into jealously when others around him are succeeding. 

He wonders why he can not create the same success. 

Deep down, he is not happy for those around him, even if they are close to him, family members and friends. 

Secretly he resents them, yet once again, his pristine self image is presented. 

A fake smile is his comfort zone, his coping strategy to cover up how he really feels…

Deeply inadequate, never good enough. 

The success of others reminds him of what he does not have. Failing to see what he does have, he lacks gratitude. This darkens his heart.

He must learn to increase his self worth, to treat himself with more respect, to present himself well and true and to ask for that which he has earned. 

His fears overlap one another. 

The fear of failure, rejection, loneliness, being misunderstood, being hurt, being seen the wrong way, and asserting his will… 

If he were to embrace the possibility of suffering rejection, he would ask for what it is that he desires. 

Life would then be able to surprise him with what is truly available. 

He may then come to gain confidence, self worth and the experience of opportunities that lead to his success and flourishing. 

When he is able to do so, he no longer feels jealous towards others, for his personal success is well established. 

The nice guy does not believe in himself… yet. 

Virtue: Doing What is Right 

The quest from nice to good is that of cultivating virtue in ones heart. 

Virtues like: 

• Courage: feeling afraid but taking action anyway
• Discipline: cutting away that which does not serve, committing to that which does
• Honour: to live by a code that is rooted in good, striving to be honest, especially when hard. 
• Integrity: to do what he says he will do.
• Righteousness: to do what he knows to be right, even if this sacrifices his self image.
• Confidence: The measure of one’s belief in themselves

A boy becomes more of a man based on the virtues he works to develop and embody. 

Boys do not have discipline, nor integrity, honour, righteousness and true courage. 

A man must possess all of these within his heart. 

Such is not an easy path, for it is not through ease that we gain a sense of reward and fulfilment. 

Reflecting back to the previous relationship I mentioned above… we can see a clear example of a young man lacking virtue.  

Things began with great passion, yet shortly in to the relationship I began to see that there were several reasons why we could not be together. 

I knew deep down that she was not right for me, yet I continued in the relationship through the fear of hurting her, and the fear of considering myself responsible for somebody else’s hurt. 

For two whole years I remained in that relationship. 

Even though I knew deep down that I was not right. 

Did she not deserve better than to be in a false relationship with somebody who didn’t truly wish to be with her? 

Of course… 

The right thing to do would have been to end the relationship as soon as possible. 

To feel the pain of having been involved in her upset, to take responsibility for letting it get to that point in the first place but to leave knowing that I had acted upon honour and integrity. 

Those two years of denial were some of the most painful years of my life. 

I was an anxious and guilty mess. 

Because I feared upsetting her with the truth, I would then find myself tempted by other women and in fact, falling for them. 

My heart was not in the relationship, yet I acted as though it was. 

It was not clear to me then that the avoidance of inflicting pain would in fact lead to the infliction of even greater pain. 

The pain of betrayal, the pain of false hope, the pain of dissatisfaction… 

I was a pushover… a yes man, a frightened boy.

If I ever felt disrespected, I would bite my tongue, afraid of being invalidated, afraid of not coming across as nice, even if this cost me my mental health and self respect. 

When I finally decided to end the relationship, telling the difficult truth became a strength of mine, even though it was once a weakness. 

I began to experience deeper intimacy and more success with women through being my honest self, flirtatious, confident, authentic, playful and direct. 

I no longer hid my intentions but I instead allowed them to be communicated as early as possible. 

Honesty will test any relationship. 

Those that are not meant to be will wither in the presence of honesty. 

Those that are to bring light to our lives will we strengthened through the expression of the truth and the navigation of conflict.

The nice guy chooses to settle in dissatisfaction through fear, he suspects that honesty will lead to people leaving his life. 

If he is willing to face his fear of loss, embracing detachment, he will not only be respected more in the eyes of others for his courage and honesty, he will feel more whole, complete and confident in himself. 

The nice guy must set higher standards for himself, pursuing virtue over the vice of convenience and settling for that saps energy from his life. 

His wound around rejection will begin to heal when he learns to reject others by saying no, thank you.

All of this is more than possible, for once I was indeed the nicest of guys, dishonest and fearful to the core. 

Now, I am proud of the man I have become, and my ability to initiate and navigate difficult communication. 

Agreeability and Seeking Approval

Consider the following words of Jordan Peterson

| "There's a personality trait known as agreeableness. Agreeable people are compassionate and polite. And agreeable people get paid less than disagreeable people for the same job. Women are more agreeable than men.”

If you’re a typical nice guy, or know somebody that fits the profile we’ve been discussing thus far, you may notice the tendency to agree with almost everything… rarely disagreeing. 

Why? 

Disagreement can often lead to either conflict or rejection.

Nice guys want to avoid these two things at all cost. 

Again, there are wounds in operation here. A deep pain associated with rejection, and a deep sense of feeling unsafe in the face of conflict. 

Knowing this, it is possible for a man to do what is truly right if he fears both conflict and rejection? 

Absolutely not. 

He will instead conform, comply and turn a blind eye to what he knows is wrong.

I apologise if this sounds somewhat repetitive, yet I must repeat in order to transmit the message here. Nice and good are degrees apart.  

Edmund Burke said…

| “The only thing necessary for evil to triumph in the world is that good men do nothing”

This is in fact more serious than you might initially think. 

Agreeable men, aka nice guys will lean over and take whatever comes to them without putting up a fight. 

Perhaps the nice guy was bullied as a child, he didn’t learn to stand up for himself and so when the opportunity for conflict represents itself, he chooses to be passive.

Such a trait leads to a hyper-controlled society, for when the forces of control begin to demand too much from the people, it is the men who would usually stand up, resist and fight. 

Nice guys however wish to avoid conflict completely, so they would rather let the controlling force dominate them, submitting to the will of others and denying their own rights. 

Look at what happened during the Covid Lockdowns… 

You probably came to know who was agreeable and who was not. 

Disagreeable nature comes with assertiveness. 

Have you ever found yourself shy to ask for that which you want? 

Unable to assert dominance in any situation whether in work or in relationships and family? 

Such is the fast lane to even lower self esteem, and the absence of a healthy, established sense of self. 

Nice guys lack a sense of self… 

They take on the ideas of others too quickly and are incredibly easily influenced. 

Instead of living in line with their values and personal morals, they lean over and submit to the assertive ones around them, even if those assertive forces do not have the best interests of the person or community at heart. 

It is in such a context that the facade of the nice guy’s ‘good heart’ shows its true nature. 

He will fail to do what is right…

For it will most definitely require him at some stage to risk either his physical body or his psychological self image.

Good man are willing to sacrifice themselves for a cause that is good. 

The words of Lowkey come to mind: 

| “You might take my life, but you can’t take my soul’’

Nice guys can not say no, even to what is not right. 

They would rather maintain a pristine self image in the eyes of others than to be men of integrity and honour. 

This is why nice guys are generally untrustworthy people. 

Their loyalty will soon leave you when they submit to somebody who holds their self image even tighter in a vice.

Good men say no when they must, and say yes when they know they will follow up with action. 

A nice guy must lean over from agreeable to disagreeable, avoiding either of the extremes. Authenticity is the answer.

This may be extremely difficult for him, but like all things it is a practice. 

He must practice saying no, even if it causes him to feel anxious with the anticipation of rejection or conflict. 

He must learn to assert his will in work and in relationship, for this gains him respect, authority and the attainment of that which he desires. 

He must learn to defend himself physically, for when the time comes where he is called to protect himself or those he loves, he will be able to do so, for he will be justified in doing so.

Being Present 

The nice guy’s automatic, default mode response is to be agreeable, to say yes when he means to say no, to submit when he means to stand up for himself. This is done in an impulsive, unconscious manner.

He will impulsively say yes to things before even noticing the words have left his mouth.

Such automatic, deeply engrained behavioural habits are indeed reversible, yet in order to do so, he must first learn to practice being present in the moment. 

It is through being present that we can all notice our impulses ready to fire. 

The more present we become, the less reactive we tend to be. 

In being less reactive we may notice a trigger arise, the need to people please and act in the same old ‘nice guy’ way. 

This short window of time presents the opportunity for change. 

Being present is the key to all behavioural change. 

Breathing slowly and deeply…

Observing and paying attention to one’s unconscious thoughts. 

Recognising one’s patterns of behaviour through slowing down, taking more time to respond vocally instead of impulsively acting out. 

Step by step, moment by moment, the nice guy will be able to shape himself into the good man he wishes to be deep down, if he begins to practice being present in the moment. 

He must be present within his body, recognising the rise of sensations like anxiety, inadequacy and anger. 

He must take his mask off and be courageously honest. 

Showing the truth on his face, and speaking the truth, even if his voice shakes. 

This entire Mastery Letter has been a reflection of who I once was, and a reminder of some work that still needs to be done. 

Are you a ‘nice guy’? 

An anxious people pleaser? 

An agreeable man who fears asserting himself and speaking up for what he knows to be true and right deep down? 

Do you feel inadequate and incapable, and jealous of those who are successful around you? 

Do you betray yourself just to gain the approval of others? 

Are you easily impressionable and influenced by others, acting in ways you rather would not, even when you have intended to meet a certain standard? 

Do you find yourself addicted to substances that numb your internal unpleasantness, stuck in cycles of making promises to yourself and breaking them repeatedly. 

Come to know the truth beyond niceness. 

Be honest about your intentions, do you really give with no expectation of receiving anything back? 

Or do you give, waiting for the approval of others, gaining confirmation that you are indeed a nice guy… 

Good men give for the sake of giving, they are generous with what they have, when they can give it. 

They also respect themselves to such a degree that when overstepped, they will surely set clear boundaries, even if this ruins your opinion of them. 

Be a good man…

To Conclude

Being ‘nice’ and being genuinely good are two completely different things. 

Nice guy is a term given to men who come across as ‘harmless’.

There is no such thing as a harmless man. He would be better off as dangerous, yet withholding his force, for this would require virtues like mercy and patience. 

The nice guy has an incredibly suppressed shadow aspect to his psyche. 

Deep down he feels inadequate, inferior, afraid and unworthy. 

The dominant fears driving his tendencies to be agreeable, submissive and supposedly kind are the fears of:

• Rejection
• Loneliness
• Conflict
• A Damaged Self Image
• Disappointing others (Guilt)

The nice guy lives a fear ridden life, his subconscious has him on a leash, meaning he is often in somewhat of a hypnotic, emotional state, acting more-so irrationally than based on logic and virtue. 

Such tendencies make a man like this hard to trust, for he will consistently break his word. He is a yes man, and will say yes even when he means no.

A nice guy can transform himself into a good man by recognising his unconscious programming, understanding how this leads to more pain than that which he is avoiding, and only perpetuates his suffering, while inflicting pain on others. 

He must develop the ability to draw himself back into the present moment, centring within the body, breath and sensations he witnesses, granting him the ability to change behaviour patterns through responding, not reacting impulsively. 

This coupled with the will to take action into what is indeed uncomfortable, will grant him growth and inner-freedom.

It is imperative that he works to become a man of strong virtues and values. 

Virtues especially like: 

• Courage
• Assertion
• Confidence
• Integrity
• Will
• Self Control
• Discipline
• Faith
• Competence 
• Detachment 

He will benefit from being in the company of those who see the world differently to how he does, broadening his world-view and re-socialising himself in a way that is conducive the the development of healthy relationship.

There will always be disagreements and that is ok. We can still be in relationship with those we disagree with. 

Such a man will also benefit from performing genuine acts of kindness either anonymously or without expecting anything in return. 

This will take him out of his self-concerned state into one that is more connected to a greater whole.

The nice guy feels like everything is his fault. 

When in truth it is not. 

When he learns to detach from his insecure ego, he will see more clearly. 

When he makes effort to do what is right, even if this sacrifices his self image, he will evolve. 

Like Batman, The Dark Knight. 

The true hero, willing even to be seen as the villain for the good of the people. 

Surely, I will be writing a Mastery Letter on The Shadow of The Psyche. 

Stay tuned for that, we all have shadow work to do, uncovering that which is within the deep unconscious, working to become more whole and complete versions of ourselves. 

Thank you for reading through all the way until the end! 

You my friend have a healthy attention span. 

I wish you well, 

Have a great week, 

Stay sharp.

Usman 

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