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If you have not yet read the first part of this Mastery Letter, I encourage you to do so. 

In the previous part, we explored the following areas:

• Introduction And Personal Back Story 
• Comfort: The Silent Killer
• Impulse Control: Attention & Priority
• Effeminacy: The Emasculated Man
• Detachment From The Way of The Mother
• The Need To Be Liked
• Failure To Provide & Protect
• Failure With Women

Today we’re going to continue our journey of discovering and understanding The Modern Man-Child, or as Carl Jung referred to him… Puer Aeternus (The Eternal Child).

The structure for our exploration will be: 

• Atonement With The Way of The Father 
• Back To The Scripture
• The Dreamer: An Imagined Life
• Under-commitment & Denial of Responsibility
• Subconscious Limitation: Beneath The Surface
• Individuation: Integrating The Inner Child

Let us begin… 

Atonement With (The Way) of The Father 

Detaching from The Way of The Mother means to forgive her for perpetuating the boy within us.  To learn to transmute resentment into a gratitude… gratitude for all she did and went through in order to ensure our needs were met.

After Mother comes Father… 

The Man-Child must not only detach from and forgive his Mother, he must atone with and forgive his Father. 

Forgiving him for being emotionally or physically absent. Forgiving him for the abuse, if any was received during early years of life, whether physical, mental, emotional or sexual.

Forgiveness for the lack of guidance on Self Mastery, and how to conduct oneself appropriately in the world of work, women and worship. 

My father left the home when I was aged 10. It took me until the age of 20 before I saw him again. 

For all I knew, he was out of my life, and I considered that a good thing, for in honesty… I did not like him, and I did not feel as though he liked me.

Instead, I remember being in fear, the victim of spontaneous lash outs of anger and fury, punishment and shouting for either misbehaving or taking too long to follow orders. 

My father never taught me how to correctly conduct myself with women, nor to ride a bike, start a fire, or exert myself physically. He refused to pass me down his handy man traits and shamed me for being fat and short compared to other kids… compared to my older brother.

A mother who is overbearing, due to the absence of support, presence and authority from an integrated masculine man will unconsciously manipulate the young boy into fearing and resenting men, starting with his father. 

I was trained not to trust my father, to see him as the villain…

This tainted my relationship with not just him, but all of men.

And this is why it is absolutely essential to forgive the father and atone with him. 

My father saw his own capacity for weakness in me. 

For that, he belittled me further. I was already fragile, and instead of training me to be strong and capable, I was made to feel inadequate and even smaller. 

Regardless of this treatment, as I write this letter, I can say with honesty that I truly love my Father. 

I was able to forgive him some years ago. 

How? 

First, by becoming physically strong through voluntary, intense exercise and training. 

Through this I learned that I was indeed more than capable, and there was a beast within me wanting to be tamed. 

Second, by asking higher quality questions about why my father was the way he was. 

If you have experienced abuse from somebody who should have been your protector and care-giver, know this… they were certainly abused themselves. 

Pain and trauma generate one another over and over. The cycle continues until one of us is able to see the bigger picture, to forgive and let go of what is out of our control, and to recognise that it is only hurt people, who hurt people. 

By studying my father’s past I was able to see that there was no surprise in his abusive nature and lack of emotional depth and skill. 

He was abused also, and I will not share the horror of what happened to him in this writing… 

My father moved to the UK in a time where work was the absolute priority. Survival was the objective, not emotional healing. 

He was working hard all the time to keep a roof over our heads, he did not have the luxury of self exploration and deep healing we now have. 

He couldn’t even speak English when we came to the UK. Imagine the racial abuse he must have received back then, 40+ years ago.

Growing up, I remember a time where I wanted to be just like him, eventually this became opposite for reasons unclear… perhaps for having received his insults and belittling words… 

After that, all I wanted was to be unlike him… 

I dedicated my life to ensuring I did not become another version of him. That I created my own path and was as far from him in character as I possibly could be. 

Then one day I realised, after a deep meditation I looked in the mirror and stared myself in the eyes… 

There he was. 

There is no escaping the fact that deep down… we are our fathers. 

We must be better, and that starts by releasing all blame, no matter the trauma and abuse we may have faced, taking full responsibility for where we are now, and where we are going. 

However hard your past was, however dark the abuse was, blame and resentment will do nothing for you but breed self sabotage and suffering. 

You must take full responsibility for where you are in life now. 

Responsibility for the patterns for learned behaviours and coping methods, that have attempted to deal with feelings of being unsafe, inadequate, unworthy, weak, incapable and however else you were made to feel during early years. 

Some of these learned behaviours and coping methods might look like:

• Binge eating
• Addiction
• Avoidance
• Emotional Suppression
• Anxiety
• Obsessive Overthinking
• Never Feeling Good Enough
• Crippling Insecurity
• Inadequacy and Incapability

Whatever you find yourself stuck with… cease blaming those who inflicted this upon you and take full, radical ownership. Only through full responsibility can you then begin shaping the future you desire. 

If you struggle with any of the behaviours above and understand the role of childhood trauma in self sabotage, consider for a moment that those who abused experienced their own abuse. 

However… it’s time to end the cycle of trauma. It must end with you…

You are the one who will break the cycle. Choose to be the cycle breaker, the breaker of chains. 

The boy within must learn to forgive his abusers. He must see them also as grown, abused, wounded children simply acting upon that which they have received from their abusers.

In doing so, the boy gains maturity and takes substantial steps towards becoming the man he is to be. 

Back To The Scripture

What does it mean to atone with The Way of The Father?

 It is for a man-child to reconnect with all that was and is good about his father, and the men who came before him. 

One central aspect of this is connecting back to the religion of the father. 

God has been kicked out of school. 

Order is no longer within the home. 

The attack on family is more present than ever… and if things continue the way that they are, society will fall. 

It is said that a nation is born stoic, and dies epicurean. 

In other words, a nation is at itss strongest when there is order, challenge and a clear code to live by. 

A nation is at it’s weakest when there is no order, there are no rules, and conditions are so easy that the people can fill their days with meaningless, pleasure-based activities. 

Without God… men have no compass, no rules, no obligation for morality… this is how men fall.

Without men, a nation has nobody to protect it, homes become chaotic, without rules, and there is nobody to do the most demanding and dangerous work we all take for granted. 

I have experienced the chaos that creeps into a fatherless home. 

Getting addicted to weed, seeing my mother harden into a masculine, provider type woman, and witnessing true disharmony within the household were all by-products of my father not being there. 

Would any of this have happened if my father was still at home? Would I have been smoking weed in my bedroom if he was around? 

Don’t make me laugh… 

Never in a million years would that be tolerated.

When father is gone, order is gone and chaos ensues. 

Why? 

True men let their intolerances be known. 

If you tolerate everything, then you stand for nothing… 

A true Father is devoted to God, to his religion, and he makes sure the rules are adhered to whether people like him or not. 

He may not always be liked, but a masculine father, devoted to The Most High is certainly respected. 

Seeing such a dynamic in the household is essential for healthy development in a young boy. 

To witness the differing roles of Mother and Father in play. 

Religion gives us roles, structure, order, humility, sincerity, morality, and guides us in best conducting ourselves by keeping the forces of evil out of the home.

The home is a place of sanctity when God is present. 

I understand that for you reading this, you may not resonate entirely with this section, regarding religion and atonement with The Father. 

If that is the case, I encourage you to consider the history of your family to a greater depth. 

If you father was not a religious man, then surely your grandfather or great grandfather was. 

I atoned with my father by returning to Islam. 

Not only did this grant much needed structure to my life again, it allowed me to establish a connection with The Divine once again. 

A different connection to that of new age spirituality. 

One that did not seek to bypass good and bad, but rather outlining the clear boundaries between those two, providing instruction and guidance on how to best conduct ourselves in the world for an optimal experience, here and after. 

Let me ask you a potentially startling question. I want you to be honest in answering it. 

If hard times truly did arrive during your lifetime and you were struggling to survive, fighting to live another day and provide for those you love… 

Would you kill your best friend and take what he had, or resort to cannibalism in order to stay alive? 

Consider a true survival state. Merciless, with very few, if not nobody to trust. 

What would stop you from resorting something as terrible as cannibalism? 

This is where God comes in…

For a truly religious man, cannibalism is forbidden. You might think I’m being silly here, but it is happened before our time… people were eating other people, even their own children. 

Religion brings back morality to a nation where right and wrong have become blurred. 

Without religion, people only have their own judgement to rely upon, this is both naive and arrogant. 

So how much can one trust a man-child who believes not in God and worships himself, his desires, or his intellect instead?

Through islam I was able to quit smoking weed, blessed by the Holy month of Ramadan, diving deep into 30 days of disciplined fasting and abstinence from weed, excess screens, swearing, poor self conduct and bad company. 

I swam in the ocean of Islam for that entire month. 16 months later, writing this letter, I can say this was one of the best, and most surprising decisions I have been blessed to make. 

Praise be to God. 

For if there was a person on this Earth who would have bet everything that I would not return to Islam, it was me…

To call the return to Islam a surprise for me would be an understatement. 

I consider it a miracle. 

An answer to over a decade of seeking truth with a heart, yearning to know God. 

The boy must come to know God, through nature, through scripture, through the wise men of his family’s religious community. 

Then he can learn how best to conduct himself, knowing what to move towards, and what to move away from. 

If you are quite the intellectual, deep thinker or critic, know that I am too. 

I am extremely critical of all ideas and do not simply follow. 

In releasing resentment towards my father I was able also to release emotional veils that were denying me access into the heart of Islam. 

Most of us resent God because we of the example we have been shown by such so called-righteous people of religion. 

It is up to us to once again take full responsibility for where we are, and to ask high quality questions about the nature of existence, and to then, most importantly, seek to clarify our questions and doubts about God from a logical, rational mind. 

A lot of boy-minded males today are too emotional about the topic of science and religion to see clearly. 

They do not understand that the two are inseparable. 

Such people often turn to nihilism or the worship of scientific theory. 

The boy must seek truth, rationally and honestly from a place that is sincere and curious. 

In doing this he will clarify his doubts and regain connection to The Divine. 

This will add tremendous meaning to his life, and provide a structure through which he can conduct himself well within the world. 

Without this, he is subject to the temptation of darkness. 

Living without morality, ready to betray his brothers…

Indulging in the world of form, worshipping creation, not The Creator. 

The Dreamer: An Imagined Life

Boys love to dream, yet they seldom take action. 

The man-child has a strong tendency to come up with great ideas, yet fails on bringing these into reality. 

He lives an ethereal life, failing to accept the blood and guts of life in the real world, not understanding what It truly takes to bring any idea into physical form. 

Hard work. 

He expects his parents and those around him to solve his personal problems. For this is the treatment he has been given since young. 

He has been over-mothered… this burns him in adult life when reality hits.

The absence of a strong father and presence of an overbearing mother will destroy a young man’s capacity to create beauty and benefit within the world. 

Although well intended and attempting to protect, his mother convinces him to choose safety over taking lofty risks. 

She wishes for him to undergo no harm, yet this only makes the boy weaker. For in order to become a man he must learn to subject himself to pain and learn to endure it. 

There must be risks taken. There must be loss. There must be failure… in order for there to be triumph, success and victory. 

The pursuit of dreams therefore comes with the inevitable disappointment of Mother. 

She will never approve of the boy exposing himself to danger and challenge, especially if he is already weak. She does not understand that this is what he needs in order to cultivate strength…

Struggle…

In detaching from the mother, the boy must also learn to accept his mothers disapproval. 

She will inevitably do so, for she will see his father in him, the man she resents most (if he was not present, masculine and authoritative). 

The mother will feel fear as the boy steps out into the big world, and he must allow her to feel that way, renouncing responsibility for this and taking on his own burdens. 

This is far from easy. Yet it is essential. 

You may be a man-child yourself, or perhaps you know somebody who is well-grown physically, yet immature in psychology. 

Ever inspired by ideas and concepts, but unwilling to go any further than the level of intellectualisation. 

Such a person is skilled in engaging in deep, thought provoking conversations, yet that is as far as it goes. 

The work is missing. The action is lacking. The integrity is weak, and no idea comes to fruition. 

A man-child like this must learn to take the risk of embracing the failures that are inseparable from the process of achieving success. 

He must be willing to humiliate himself on that journey, persisting and never giving up on his vision. 

This will require a set of skills, consistent input, courage and the clarity created by a clean, well conducted life. 

Creating more than one consumes. 

Acting more than one speaks. 

The boy-minded man is a spectator in his life. He spends his days watching other men go to battle, dominating their competition, overcoming their inner darkness and conquering their weaknesses. 

To him, such a pursuit is for those inside the TV. However… his indulgence in entertainment points towards a truth laying dormant within his heart. 

He wishes to be like the men he spectates. The fighter, the warrior, the athlete, the soldier, the monk, the magician or The Slayer of Beasts…

Within his heart is the aspiration to be like such men. They reflect the self image he would dream of having. Yet he enjoys this brief high as a spectator, dreams a little more about being such a man and goes back to indulging in instant gratification… 

Why is he stuck in the realm of dreaming? 

What is stopping him from rising up to his potential and perhaps emulating or even surpassing those he spectates?

It lays within his deep subconscious… which we will dive into shortly.

A boy dreams of becoming the hero, yet is stuck living as the spectator in his life. 

He is like an extra within a movie, a shadow of what he could be… an NPC (non-playable character) in a video game. 

An evolved man is player number 1, the main character, the protagonist, the hero in his life… the star of his own show.

Alining thoughts and words with actions, working to become a man that has integrity in what he says and does. 

Do what you say you will do. 

Otherwise… do not say it at all. 

Under-commitment & Denial of Responsibility

The man-child dreams big, yet is afraid of committing to something that may burden him with a responsibility he can not escape from. 

Ironically, this can be seen as the fear of success, for if he is to succeed in actualising his dreams, he may then be required to live a more regimented and rigid life. 

This is contrary to the life he prefers, which is one of fleeting, floating and flowing from interest to interest, pursuit to pursuit, without making any real, meaningful progress. 

He would much rather spend his days lounging, indulging in rich foods and entertainment, having deep conversations… 

Yet these eventually grow tiresome for those who see him seldom taking action. 

However deeply he dives into psychology and philosophy, it does not rise above the level of potential, for he does not act upon the high he feels when epiphanies strike. 

A woman may appear in his life whom with he shares love. The relationship may deepen into the realms of love and intimacy he longs for, yet ultimately he sabotages the relationship, for commitment (to him) is the annihilation of freedom. 

The boyish-minded man believes that more options equals freedom, when in reality, too much choice only leads to confusion, overwhelm and the frustration of making no significant progress towards his dream of one day having his own family. 

As this appears in his romantic life, it also presents itself in his professional pursuits. 

He begins working a job or honing a skilled craft, then finds himself quitting when he grows bored, moving onto the next subject, and the next. 

This is due to his lack of clear, meaningful, transpersonal vision. That being, a vision of the future that is based not only on his own benefit, but on the benefit of his family to be, his nation and the greater whole. 

Such a man-child is deluded into believing that freedom is being able to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. 

In the end he must suffer the truth and reality when it becomes clear that this is not the case.

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