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A warm shower and a hearty meal after lofty exertion feel earned and all the better in quality. 

An issue with the modern world is that comfort is both excessively accessible. Convenience has become priority. 

We need not exert ourselves in order to generate warmth in the home. Food is readily available for purchase in supermarkets without the effort, patience and skill of farming or shedding the blood of animals. 

Water need not be fetched and lions, tigers or barbarians do not threaten our immediate safety. 

There is no need to be strong. No need to exert effort. No need to subject ourselves to discomfort.

One might believe there is no threat immediately in front of our faces. 

Oh… but there is, for those with eyes that can see, a far more dangerous, insidious threat that is perhaps more capable of enslaving and defeating man than any barbarian or wild lion ever was…

That is, The Illusions of Security and the supposed guarantee of a stable tomorrow.

Our safety nets must be burned, for in them we will wither, convinced that darker days will never come as long as our pleasures can be satiated and addictions maintained.

Modern man in his boyish ways wastes years partying, intoxicated, indulging in distraction from responsibility, purpose and true meaning, convinced by his illusory safety net, ignorant of the ticking clock. 

He does not consider that both he and his parents are ageing. Time is passing while he lives in a bubble of comfort and pleasure, unable to see chaos as it silently approaches. Until it strikes him by surprise. 

As I said before, sooner or later excess comfort becomes intensely uncomfortable. 

One becomes rotten in the putrefying womb of the cocoon until it is unbearable.

It is in the access of quick rewards and numbing intoxicants that the illusion of security is established. 

We are cushioned from the necessity to grow. 

One of my favourite quotes: 

‘’Necessity is the mother of invention.’’

A comfortable, easy job sucks the soul away. 

A desk-bound, couch slouching lifestyle breeds stagnation, lethargy and stiffness. 

Convenience foods deplete life force energy and bring the onset of disease. 

The indulgence in pornography and video games carve out deep holes of loneliness, longing to be filled by true human connection, intimacy, brotherhood and achievement.

Free money from the government only fuels addictive, boy-like living, empty of responsibility, leaving you longing for a deeper sense of purpose and meaning in life. 

No shopkeeper or drug dealer will say ‘’No, you’ve had enough.’' 

You need only request, and they shall give you what you wish. 

It is therefore up to us to say no to the world that ironically has too much food, too much safety and too much convenience, choosing to subject ourselves what can be seen as a harder mode in the game of life. 

Easy mode is for noobs… 

Yet most are living that way. 

Start increasing the difficulty level in your life. 

The bosses drop better loot, your skills increase and the rewards are more precious…

Impulse Control: Attention & Priority

Here’s an actionable step you can apply right away. 

The next time you feel an itch… wait, stop… and resist the urge to itch. 

Persist and see if you can focus on something else like a candle flame or simply the breath, instead of compulsively moving attention back towards the itch.

If you have children, or are in the presence of them regularly then pay attention to their ability to concentrate for lengthy periods of time, without dopamine inducing technology like screens and video games.

Children find it much harder to concentrate compared to adults. Their attention is more sensitive to external stimuli, bright colours, screens, and dopamine inducers due to the providence of stimulation, entertainment or reward. 

In a healthy setting, this is a natural difference one can expect between a man and a boy.

Modern man’s mind is like that of a boy. Scattered, easily manipulated, seldom centred or at peace. 

He is impulsive, reacting to the desires of his mind and body faster than he is able to notice them arise. 

His awareness is shallow, his attention is externally focused rather than internally… 

The Man-Child does not study and observe himself… rather, he finds more interest in the sport of intellect and goes on living life in ignorance, pompously considering himself more intelligent than others due to his ability to recollect information, yet he knows himself not… 

Rather, he attempts to escape from himself knowingly or unknowingly, subject to his impulses and scattered on his path. 

The boy-minded man has very little knowledge in very many things. 

He pursues an interest for a short while, only to then be derailed by a new shiny object, abandoning his previous project, having grown bored.

In some cases this is a benefit, for it provides one with a vast diversity in knowledge and experience. 

However, for most this is a frustration. One with such a tendency never finishes he starts. 

There are no fruits to be enjoyed from the seeds that have been planted… 

For the seeds were nourished only until a sprout, and left neglected to wither in their adolescence.

Any project rewarding enough, be it for the benefit of health, finances, relationship or happiness all require persistence, patience and perseverance. 

The moment you feel like giving up is the same moment others consider also quitting. The Man-Child is like the majority… choose rather to be uncommon.

The fear of failure and the fear of missing out cause a man-child’s mind to scatter in the attempt to avoid facing up to a challenge. His escape is to find distraction from action.  

He knows what he must do, yet he busies himself with unimportant tasks. 

Busily unproductive, time passes by, energy is spent and his days are so full of medial tasks that he has fooled himself into believing he lacks sufficient time. 

Frustrated, guilty, and disappointed, for he knows his excuses are not just, he draws no closer to any goal he dreams of achieving, conflicted and indecisive about which one he should pursue.

“You can have anything you want, but not all at the same time” 

For years I felt both blessed and cursed by the trait of having an intensely broad range of interests and passions. 

I could one month be extremely passionate about working with wood, then the next, passionate about cooking, then the next, passionate about physical fitness… 

Nothing lasted long enough for me to see any real progress and gain any true wisdom. 

I was simply excited, impulsive and lacking the discipline required to prioritise one thing and sacrifice the rest. 

The same challenge is what I faced for the first few years of building my online coaching business. 

Split between teaching yoga, holding workshops, running group courses, coaching clients 1:1, recording a podcast and building a YouTube channel… I never made any real progress in any of those pursuits. 

The boy must learn that it is ok to sacrifice the things he wants, so he may pursue the thing he wants. 

That in life there is no possibility of pursuing every passion or exploring every avenue of curiosity. 

Doing so will only lead to low levels of fulfilment, a lack of any real progress, frustration, confusion, finding himself repeatedly back at square one and lacking life purpose, for he struggles to find his one thing. 

Take note, I am not proposing that every man needs to have just one thing to work on for the whole of his life. 

I am suggesting that what benefits us most, yields the most progress and therefore reward in life is to hyper-focus on one priority or curiosity, drink until the river is dry and then move on to the next. 

Dig 1 hole 10 metres deep. Not 10 holes 1 metre deep. 

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What is your priority right now? 

Is it your Health, Physique and Fitness? 

Your business? 

Your relationships?

Is it your Mental Health and Happiness?

And within each of these 4 domains, what is then the current priority? 

In Health:

• Is it strength? 
• s it flexibility or losing weight? 
• Is it building an aesthetic physique or adding on muscle? 

In Business:

• Is it to build your website? 
• It is to make money? 
• It is to get a clear business strategy written out, or doing the correct research? 
• Is it in acquiring new skills and establishing your domain of authority? 

Relationships:

• Is your priority your family? 
• s it your friends? 
• Is it with the opposite sex? 
• Is it in networking with those who might bring more opportunities to your life? 

In Happiness:

• Is it developing a consistent meditation routine? 
• Is it cleaning up your nutrition? 
• Is it reducing your screen time? 
• Is it spending more time in nature? 

Actionable Step: Find your priorities using the questions above, then make clear the priorities within those priorities. 

Perhaps try choosing 1 priority from each domain of life (health, wealth, happiness, relationships) and go all in for at least an entire month. 

Make sure to write down your findings, and do not limit yourself to what I have written here. 

You may be surprised by just how much progress you make and how much quality is added to that area of your life when given the gift of undistracted, centred, intentional focus. 

The Man-Child, whether that be you or somebody you know, must master his impulses and seek to master The Art of Focus.

Effeminacy

I hope it is somewhat clearer now how an adult male can still very much remain a boy through his psychology. He does not attain manhood due to his age alone.

So what does it mean to be a man and not simply… an old male? 

When we deconstruct all matters of form and the world to their base components we see that this universe is very much dualistic. 

Light and dark coexist as a duality

Sun and moon, up and down, positive and negative, masculine and feminine are other examples. 

Observe dualistic pairs closely in all of your life, you will come to see that within each pair, one part can not exist without the other. 

There is no such thing as a one sided coin…

A man remains as a boy when he fails or avoids the embracing of his masculine core. 

Males are dominantly masculine beings, yet the modern world and opposition wish to combat this. 

Ignore them. 

Males are more masculine, females are more feminine. It is done, and always has been this way according to nature’s order. 

As the boy is still yet to discover true masculinity, his nature is more feminine than that of a man.

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Seeking comfort and pleasures in life, he is easy to manipulate, more agreeable, less ordered and more chaotic. 

When an adult male has not yet discovered the importance of masculinity and the embodiment of it in his life, he remains boyish and feminine. A term used to describe this is effeminacy. 

The boy is closer in intimacy to his Mother than his Father, yet… if his mother was unable to fulfil his emotional needs through feminine nurturing he will develop a mother complex. 

This is core in the development of immature, boyish, modern men who deny responsibility, lack emotional skill, manipulate others and attempt to escape life through various vices. 

The Man-Child has a mother complex.

He yearns for the embrace he did not receive. The nourishing, intimate warmth of mother, and seek such sensations through food, pornography, promiscuity, comfort, intoxication and pleasure in the world. 

Longing to feel the words of the mother within his being that echo… ‘’It’s all going to be ok.’’

The issue here is that once a boy reaches a certain age, the time comes where he must evolve into a man, leaving the way of the mother and embracing the way of the father. 

That being… the masculine core that lives within him, the same essence possessed by his forefathers and ancestors. The biological father or elder men in the community serve as mentors for the boy who is now to become a young man. 

The modern world has forgotten such rites of initiation and transition.

Boys now remain boys into their old age, uninitiated, having not discovered the strength that lies within them, forever clutching to the skirts of mother. 

If a boy does not ascend into the ranks of men, his life will lack meaning, purpose, direction, order and fulfilment. 

Such is a significant contributor to the increased misery and suicide rates in men over the past so many years.

Modern men are deep down… boys, uninitiated, unknowing of their potential and unwilling to sacrifice their lives for something greater than themselves. 

Family, truth, tribe and legacy…

Boys are self centred, naive, impressionable and insecure. 

Men are community-centred, discerning, intolerant and confident in themselves. Not arrogant or deluded by false belief, but stable upon a stack of evidence that confirms they are who they say they are.

The boy, however old, must seek masculinity. He must understand its objective definition and work to embody it within his life. 

Contrary to common belief, there is no my masculinity and your masculinity. Masculinity simply is… just as the Sun and the Sea.

Modern society no longer values rites of passage that initiate boys into men. 

Therefore we must initiate ourselves, seeking mentors and guides along the way. Leaving the comfort of mother, atoning with the father and earning the badge of honour that is manhood. 

This is a deep topic, masculinity and what objectively defines manhood. I will write a Mastery Letter on this soon enough, for it has been pivotal in my transition from man-child to young man and growing… 

This knowledge when applied saved my life… lifting me up from existential and suicidal, confused in relationship to women, addicted and self-neglecting to living a life of deep purpose, meaning and fulfilment.

Detachment From The Way of The Mother 

The initiation process from boy to man requires one to have a secure and supportive relationship with the father. This can be through his biological father or another man virtuous enough to take on such responsibility. A master, mentor or guide perhaps.

In the modern day this is extremely rare to find. We find our mentors through the internet for our immediate communities lack real men with both goodness and leadership in their hearts.

Most of our fathers were abusive or physically/emotionally absent. 

When a boy begins his journey into manhood, it is imperative that he receives guidance from older men, particularly his father. 

If this is absent, the boy may never detach from his mother, continuing on through adult life as a man-child. 

Such a person finds himself in a codependent relationship with an overbearing mother or what may be referred to as The Devouring Mother. 

She will involve herself in all aspects of his life, he will find difficulty in establishing boundaries with her, and she will manipulate him into remaining boy-like, for only then will she be able to maintain power and control over him. 

The Devouring Mother has been hurt by men before, she flinches and cringes at any ounce of masculinity that arises in her son, shunning and guilting him into a submissive, girl-like male.

The boy will find such a mother convincing him to take the easy path, to say safe and refrain from taking risks, encouraging him towards the development of values that are feminine, and disapproving when he desires to explore his masculine core. 

Mothers are not to be resented for this. This is simply the nature of a mother. It is impossible to learn the path of manhood from a woman, you must do what you know is right. 

Detachment from the mother is essential in the developmental path of becoming a man and is better done sooner rather than later. 

The words of Andre Gide resonate deeply here: 

“Man can not discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore"

It is never too late to detach from the mother, this takes the form of leaving home, establishing boundaries with her, living more dangerously, taking risks and cutting away from a life of comfort and sensory pleasure. 

The young man must starve his inner boy, embracing the darkness of the unknown and vowing never to return to such child like ways. 

In my own personal experience this has been an extremely rocky road. 

I attempted to self-initiate unknowingly by leaving home at 23 and travelling alone for over 2 years. 

Living out of a tent and backpack, immersed in the unknown,  I learned about my capabilities and the generous nature of the world. 

Yet… I did not have the support of a man, my father, or elder-men to ensure I would not slip back into old ways.

I fell extremely sick whilst out in the world and chose to return home… 

To this day I do not know if this was the right move, yet I am grateful for I had the means to heal myself and rest with little obligation. 

I believe my initiation process is still ongoing, and I share this with you to let you know that it is not easy initiating oneself alone.   

The Need To Be Liked

An older male who has been over-mothered will have the tendency to anxiously please other people, even if this means sacrificing his honour. 

He feeds on external approval, for it reinforces the image of being the good boy that his mother trained him to be.

A good boy, a nice guy, harmless, self-sacrificing, and anything but alike to his father… disagreeable, assertive, intolerant, unconcerned with the opinions of others or the preservation of his image. 

The previous Mastery Letter to this one, ‘’The Nice Guy vs. The Good Man” dives deep into nice guy psychology. 

Such men are not what they present to you and the world. 

On an external level they showcase an ever-smiling, harmless, never-angry, hard to cross attitude. 

In reality, on an internal level there is deep insecurity, fear of rejection and conflict, resentment, passive aggression, a fragile self image and an almost non-existent secure sense of self. 

This is the epitome of boy psychology in an adult male… 

He is energetically and potentially even chemically castrated, with severely low testosterone levels, a hyper-agreeable temperament with no drive to become a stronger and better version of himself. 

He is a white knight, hateful towards masculinity, calling himself a feminist and hateful towards the so called patriarchy.

Do you see why such a man is a danger, if not, the biggest danger to our society? 

It is not the so called toxic masculine men that are the threat. 

It is the man-child, the one who refuses to participate in society, the one who pretends to smile when in truth he envies or despises you. It is the one who makes no efforts to become a better man, for he believes that striving to be a man is somehow anti-woman. 

These effeminate men are are lead by women who are more masculine than them, the feminist, rainbow flag type women with father complexes yet to be addressed, the women who deny their femininity, who claim there to be no difference between man and woman… 

Such women rule a nice guy’s life. Be it his mother, his wife or his girlfriend. 

He is dominated and controlled by women who love to be in charge. To them he submits, for he lacks the competency and masculine virtue necessary to lead the way, to disagree and stay true to himself. 

A nice guy bends to the will of women, he says he will leave, then he comes crawling back, possessed by his need to be liked. 

Again… do you see why such men are a danger? 

When chaos arrives and we are called to rise up and do what is right for our society, community and families will the man-child face up to the challenge? 

Or will he hide, comply and submit? 

The truth is, very few of these men undergo circumstantial adaptation in the face of pressure, stepping into manhood when the immediate necessity arises. 

Some become men through the arrival of an illegitimate child. Others through poverty, and others (like in my case) through existential crisis.

Yet most boy-minded men fail, refusing to man up even when the fire begins to scold them. Remaining fragile, docile and undisciplined.

All for what? The need to be liked and the fears of conflict, suffering, failure or rejection. 

The fear of suffering only breeds more suffering. 

Failure To Provide & Protect

The man-child fails to provide for the people he has responsibility over. In fact, he denies responsibility over his family, wife and children for he does not wish to upset them in any way. 

He realises not maintaining order within the home requires a man to sometimes step into the role of The Dark Knight. 

Wiling to do what is right, and willing to be seen as the villain, for he knows better than those he leads, and that is why he is leader. 

That is what a man must be, what a Father must be. So there is no surprise that so many of us have resented our Fathers based on our childhood experience of them. 

They may have been abusive, which is inexcusable, yet, let us not cloud our eyes with a one sided view. Abusive or not, our fathers made much sacrifice for the family, were we ever taught to respect them? 

Did we witness our mothers in deep respect for our fathers, yielding into a softer, more feminine nature around them? 

For most of us the answer is no. 

The point here is that many of us did not see the example of a masculine man within the home. 

We saw anger, addiction, emotional spurts, disrespect, or abuse… 

Yet… we did not see his sacrifice and our ears never picked up on mother showing him appreciation for all of his hard work that made sure food was on the table. 

Our fathers and grandfathers were far more masculine than we are today. 

They were willing to sacrifice comfort and pleasure in order to provide and when necessary, protect. At least, this was their duty…

The boy is so overly concerned with his own desires and wants that he refuses to take on any responsibility that leads to the sacrifice of pleasure and comfort. 

In this, he fails to both protect and provide for those who are dear to him. 

He says he has love for his family, yet he does not show this through the act of sacrifice. 

Man love is different to woman love. 

It is rational. It is logical. It says… what is my role? Protector? Provider? Now let me work to fulfil those roles. 

How can the boy protect himself and those he loves if he is afraid of conflict? 

He must learn to fight, to defend himself and others when the necessity ever does arise. 

Hopefully such an opportunity will not present itself, but he must prepare nonetheless. 

A harmless man is one who can not protect himself and others. 

A strong man is one who surely can, but chooses not to engage in violence unless absolutely necessary. 

This is one key defining factor between the man-child and the actualised man. 

The actualised man holds back his sword for he knows the weight of consequence. He refrains from unleashing his wrath on others unless it is absolutely called for. 

The bottom line is that he can punish… if he needs to. 

When a man with boy-psychology is called to do any hard work that he does not necessarily feel like doing, he will choose comfort over exertion. 

To be an adequate provider by any measure, a young man must learn to do the hard work required of him, especially when he does not feel like it. 

To show up even if he is tired. To make time even if time is scarce. 

The boy wishes only to protect himself, he does not do this through combat, but rather through people pleasing and playing the nice guy. 

He is a master of being liked by those who have eyes that see not the truth and uses his social skills to win over those that could perhaps do him harm. 

The clown, the jester, the entertainer… 

Making people laugh, for the purpose of remaining safe. 

Within the man-child is a scared little boy. 

This boy needs to know that he is indeed safe, yet he can not know this as long as the man-child is weak in character, clutching to comfort and letting the scared boy lead his life. 

A man must take back control by getting into the driver’s seat of his life, taking hold of the reins tightly and voluntarily navigating through pain, discomfort and failure. 

Such is necessary in the attainment of success, in business, health and relationship. 

Failure With Women

Through lacking the will to sacrifice his pleasures and stepping into his role as provider and protector, the women in the man-child’s life resent him. 

They see an emotionally fragile man, one who succumbs to his lower animal nature, who gives in to his temptations frequently and who lacks discipline in life. 

Addicted, intoxicated, occupied with screens, drugs and meaningless activity, the man-child if ever in romantic relationship finds himself in a peculiar dynamic where his woman becomes somewhat of a phantom mother. 

His woman longs for him to take the lead and tap into his masculine core, yet in failing to do so, a compensatory adaptation takes place. 

She hardens… 

She becomes more masculine in order to balance out his deficit. 

This leads to great disharmony in the relationship. She can not trust him to provide, to protect, or to be stoic in his emotions, especially when she is in intense feeling.

Women do not feel safe around such a man. Although he presents harmlessness, they still do not feel secure around him. 

For when they require the emotional rock that is man… he fails to maintain stability, he can not handle her in her emotions and wrongs her for being feminine. 

A man like this is looking for a manly woman. One with more emotional control and intelligence than him, he needs his woman to hold the space for him while he cries and expresses vulnerably. 

He believes this is building trust with her, that showing his emotions will bring them closer together, yet this does only the opposite. 

She sees his fragility and begins to understand that she can not allow herself vulnerability around him, for in order to do so she we should need a stable, stoic, shoulder to cry on. 

The Man-Child is not that… 

Despite telling him that she wishes to see more of his emotional and soft side, her internal feminine core does not want this. 

He will learn this the hard way, when both of their emotions rise together, she will have no space to listen to and care for him. In that state, she will be the one who wants to be seen and heard, refuse her right to be held. 

If she does sacrifice her own emotion in order to hold the feelings of a man-child… deep resentment and distrust ensue. 

She is not his mother… yet that is the role she begins to play. 

The man-child attracts into his life women who earn more money than he does. 

They must pay the bill… for he is unemployed. 

Women resent men like this. They may not admit it, but they want a man to take the lead, to pay the bill, to create the space for her to soften into feminine, yielding nature. 

Because the man-child lacks masculine virtue, the women around him become the hard workers, sacrificing their feminine core of receiving, softness and the flow of love, becoming hardened, aggressive, controlling, emptied shells of themselves. 

Women feel safe around a man that can inflict harm, yet chooses not to. 

They can relax around a man who takes care of his duty as provider, allowing her to take a nap in the passenger seat while he leads the way out into the world and back home. 

Women want to nourish a man like this. They will cook for him, nurture him, heal him and support him in what he must do. 

Yet when they do not trust in his ability to show up as a man… they will show this through attempting to dominate, control and argue with him.

A friend of mine recently visited India and told me how feminine the women were there. They even sat him down, as though on a throne, and washed his feet… and they loved serving him.

Boyish men are not respected by women. 

These men are like children to the women they desire. 

Women do not want to be in romantic relationship with boys, they want men.

Masculine men do not wish to be romantic with masculine women. 

To real men of virtue this is both repulsive and annoying. 

An integrated man pairs perfectly with a feminine woman. He does not seek to be in relationship with himself (like the man-child) but rather… 

He seeks to be with his complementary opposite.

End of Part 1

This turned out to be a lot longer than I expected it would be. 

I love writing deeply about these topics, especially when they are relevant to my own personal journey of self development. 

Part 2 is already written, yet it needs some polishing up, so stay tuned for that in next week’s release. We will begin by exploring the next chapter with ‘'Atonement With The Way of The Father.’’

I sincerely thank you for reading this far, you my friend… are a genuine seeker. 

Hopefully you were able to extract some value from what you have read. 

Read over again and take notes if you did not this time, and as always apply the most important things you have learned thus far. 

You can also read previous Mastery Letters here. Be sure to enjoy them, it honours me to know my writing is being read and providing value. 

I wish you a great week, 

Stay blessed, 

And stay sharp. 

Usman

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