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If you want to bring fire back in to control, metal and water are best in doing this. 

If you’re a student of mine, you’ll know what I mean. If not… you can book a call with me via the  links on the right (or bottom of this page on mobile), or stay tuned for a Mastery Letter on the amazing wisdom of The 5 elements! 

Note: The word ‘sin’ is used in archery when ones arrow completely misses the target. Impulsive behaviour misses the target, it misses the point… 

Perhaps this explains why most impulsive behaviours are in fact sinful.

Impulses Are Dumb

Impulsive behaviours, even including the tendency to overthink, are simply attempting to solve problems.

However… the root of impulse, being our subconscious, can be incredibly unintelligent, finding solutions that are rather ineffective. 

Impulsive behaviour is irrational, not rational.

It is emotional, not logical.  

In the story above, while in an impulsive, reactive state, I was convinced that kicking the door shut and creating the loudest possible noise, while my mother was enraged, was a good idea… 

It believed that fighting fire with fire was an effective solution to the problem. 

The problem of feeling overwhelmed, disrespected, unheard and unloved if I am to be truly honest with you. 

Impulse convinces so many of us to give in to cravings. That whatever we crave holds within it a special solution to our challenging emotions. 

Think about that for a moment, especially if you’re a smoker (like I have been until now) … how unintelligent this makes me feel…

How on earth is smoking an effective solution for stress, boredom and loneliness, when it sacrifices something so fundamental to human life such as breathing?! 

There is no human life without breath. Without breath, it’s over. 

Yet impulse sees smoking as the right way…

This is like saying if there’s a wasp in your home and you want to get rid of it, you should blow up the place up. 

(That made me laugh out loud… because it’s true)

You have a conflict with somebody? The rational approach would be to work through your disagreements and face the unpleasantness of vulnerable, honest, real communication. 

But impulse… no, no, no… there’s no time for rationality here… just kill the person, or resort to violence, let the fist that wants to fly, fly!… and the problem is gone. 

Impulse creates more problems than it solves, yet it does not realise. Its methods for problem solving are more like problem generators. 

Perhaps you feel bored, lonely, or agitated in an impulsive state. Impulse might then present food as a solution to your problem. 

You start eating, as an attempt to distract yourself from what you’re feeling. Food is a comfort blanket… 

Sugary snacks, heavily refined foods, rich, deep, chocolate cake… 

Peanut butter by the spoon, whatever it may be… all in the attempt to solve the problem of emotional challenge. 

Does this result in the resolution we seek? 

Of course not… 

Tired, lethargic, guilty, ashamed and regretful, we realise it was all a bad idea, but only when it is too late…

Impulse drives us this way not only with comfort and boredom eating, but also with drug and alcohol abuse, and even overthinking, using thoughts as a mode for problem solving. 

In the case of overthinking, the mind believes the solution an emotional challenge is to think about it over and over again. 

But this is futile… here’s why. 

I will share a story with you, one that changed my life forever… 

Little Buddha Boy 

There once was a young boy who’s parents wished the best for him. 

As a way of expressing this, they arranged for him to join the village monastery, where he would train as a monk and enjoy spiritual enlightenment from an early age. 

The time for his first day arrived, and little buddha boy was so excited that he could not wait to begin his studies. 

On that day, he and his peers learned about the code of conduct. The do’s and do not’s of a monk. 

These were very important rules. Ones to be taken seriously, for if broken, there would be severe consequences… 

Banishment from the monastery. 

Never allowed to return. 

Unable to pursue the way of the monk… 

Inspired by his first day and keen to adhere to the code of the monastery, the boy ran home in excitement, wishing what he had learned with his parents. 

It was dark, and there was a long field he was to pass between where he was and his home. 

Step by step, he carefully walked through the field, when he then began to hear peculiar sounds. 

These invoked fear in the little boy, and so he picked up his pace, eventually running through the field, unable to see where his feet were landing. 

It was the season of frog mating. 

There were many pregnant frogs on that field, and the boy remembered one of the most important rules he had learned on this day. 

Rule #1 - Thou shalt not kill. 

Not even by accident. 

Not even unintentionally. 

Running, and doing his best to carefully place his steps, the boy hurried on. 

When suddenly… 

Hid foot landed on something which made a crunching, squishing sound… 

Oh no… 

“I have stepped upon a frog” the body thought to himself. 

“This will be my end as a monk… already. I can not believe my stupidity,” he cried. 

Hanging his head low, the boy arrived back at home and went straight up to his quarters. 

He lay in his bed, regretting what had happened, but could not sleep. 

He dreamed a nightmare, where frogs came to take him away and punish him for what he had done. 

Dripping in sweat, a restless night, continually and uncontrollably thinking about how he would navigate this and continue on as a monk. Even though he knew, he was going to be expelled… 

Without a single wink of sleep, the sun began to rise. It was time for his second day at the monastery, yet this time the boy was not excited. 

He was anxious to his bones. Scared of how to master would respond when he found out. 

Rule #2 came to the boy’s mind. Thou shalt not lie…

And so… the boy knew he was to tell the truth, and that he would be removed from the path of his dreams. 

Scared, angry with himself and upset, he left his home and journeyed towards the monastery. 

When he got to the field, which was now illuminated with the sun’s light, he searched for the frog he had stepped upon. 

The path was clear, and so he simply retraced his steps. 

There it was… 

He could see it in the distance…

A mangled, mushy mess ahead, splattered on the path. 

How sinful he was. 

Closer he approached, scared to accept the reality of what had happened. 

When he began to see something that invoked a sense of curiosity and surprise within him. 

The closer he approached the mangled frog, the more it appeared to look not so frog-like after all. 

In fact, when he arrived at the scene, he did not see a dead frog before him. 

It was an aubergine that he had stepped upon…

There had been no killing. 

There had been no breaking of the rules. 

There had been no reason to overthink all through the night, attempting to solve the problem of guilt and fear, in anticipation for the future. 

Hand on his forehead in the greatest sense of relief, and humbled by his own stupidity, he had learned a very valuable lesson. 

Do not assume. 

Never assume based on incomplete evidence. 

His mind had formed an assumption that it was not only a frog he had stepped on, but a pregnant one! Even worse! 

What evidence did he have for that? 

The sensation of something hard being crushed under his foot. 

The knowledge that it was frog mating season. 

And the sound of crunching as his foot landed on the ground. 

But the field was dark…

He did not see the whole picture. 

He lacked essential evidence, yet assumed anyway. 

The cost for this? A restless night with terrible dreams. 

A waste of his valuable time spent in fear, guilt and shame. 

If this was his last night it would have surely been a waste. 

Little buddha boy had learned his lesson…

He promised never to assume. 

And realise just how inaccurate his thoughts were that night… attempting to solve the problem of something that did not happen in the first place. 

It was all but an illusion, created by his mind… 

Yet the suffering he felt was real indeed. 

The End 

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Impulsive behaviour...

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What an incredibly unintelligent mechanism we have. 

The darkness of the field the boy ran across represents uncertainty, for in the dark you can not see. 

Throughout life’s uncertainties we must trust the unknown and step forth with courage and faith. 

When we do not feel safe in the unknown, overthinking is usually the impulse that follows. 

This is an attempt to solve problems and create certainty or safety through continual, endless loops of thought. 

Impulse truly is ineffective… 

I’m Not As Smart As I Thought…

Ironically, it is often those who are most identified with their intelligence, intellect and academic capabilities that are the most impulsive… 

They mistake intelligence for the ability to store and recall information. 

This is far from what true intelligence really is, which I would say, based on what has been written so far is measured by ones ability to rational solutions to real problems. 

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Getting rid of the wasp, without blowing up the house… 

Learning to de-stress and centre one’s emotional and psychological state, without destroying the body. 

The fact that I’m still smoking tobacco makes me realise… I’m not as smart as I thought I was…

It is only this week, while writing this Mastery Letter that I have become so much more aware of the intricacies within impulsive behaviour. 

So… expect some change as we continue on!  

We must learn to genuinely solve problems in a way that does not generate even more, worse problems.

Surely there must be a purpose for our impulses, for God would not have created us with such stupidity for no reason. 

God makes no mistakes…

This must be by design and in some way, be paradoxically for our benefit in the long term. 

I’m sure of it…

Note: Writing this piece on Impulse is in fact having a beautiful affect on my life, regarding the habit of smoking and how dumb it really is… I realise now that writing is a crucial aspect of my Self Mastery path. 

If you are not yet writing as a way to unpack the areas of life you wish to improve in (in this case, impulsive behaviour), you are missing out on a highly valuable and effective tool for self awareness, articulation, and new insights that might make all the difference for you. 

Actionable Step: 

Start with journalling, identify and unpack your problems within that book, change the way you write over time, start writing stories from previous experiences, and if you wish, eventually begin writing essays like this. 

Writing is a way to take abstract thoughts out of the ether and etch them concretely onto physical reality.

The Purpose of Impulsive Behaviour 

Perhaps impulse is a mercy from Allah, which drives us to find a sense of temporary relief, when we lack the tools to solve our problems in a truly effective way. 

This is similar for the case of trauma. 

We store traumas in our nervous system because we were unable to process them at the time they were induced. We were young, fragile, and unable to comprehend what was happening accurately, or to manage intense emotions effectively. 

By God’s mercy, the trauma is stored in our bodies, it drives behaviours that lead to suffering, which reminds us continually that there is a problem to be solve. 

In suffering we seek greater meaning in life, spirit begins to take priority over our other aspects, and a yearning for God, and deeper meaning awakens. 

If you’re not yet yearning for God, you’re either too deep into your own delusions, avoiding your own suffering, and self medicating with knowledge, things, people or activities that distract your mind for a while… 

When we eventually have the tools and the willingness to solve the problem, we can then safely resolve the trauma and move forward in life. 

This is a process of true growth and transformation, from fear into love, from scarcity into abundance, from inadequacy into worthiness… 

From loneliness to oneness… 

How beautiful… orchestrated perfectly by the divine. 

Impulse is similar in its purpose to trauma. 

As unintelligent solutions to our problems, impulsive behaviours therefore identify leaks in our character. 

Areas of weakness that wish to be fortified so that we may be more whole and complete human beings. 

Therefore impulsive behaviours point us in the direction of personal growth and transformation. 

For the greatest joy is in the journey of taking our weaknesses and transmuting them into strengths. 

Identify your impulses, get to know them closely, for in such impulses are opportunities for growth and expansion into the highest version of yourself. 

Just think for a moment how much your path of Self Mastery is connected to your impulses. 

Learning to manage cravings more skilfully. 

Choosing to consume consciously, not impulsively. 

Telling the truth and becoming a courageously honest person, not impulsively lying or avoiding difficult communication. 

Overcoming the pattern of anxious people pleasing and becoming a more authentic version of yourself, as opposed to impulsively laughing when something is clearly not funny. 

Finding peace from overthinking, learning to still your mind and be present in the here and now… 

Our impulses are pointing us right towards our weak spots… 

Emotional Hijacking: Coping Strategies 

Behind every impulse is a weakness, and behind every weakness is a coping strategy. 

These are strategies we have formulated over time in order to deal with some form of physical or metaphysical discomfort or pain. 

Like I said… 

A coping strategy, or impulsive behaviour is an attempt to solve a problem. 

Yet for most of us, our approaches are highly unintelligent and ineffective, generating more problems in the process of attempting to find solutions. 

That is, because our coping strategies are often rooted in emotion and irrationality. 

Efficient problem solving is a rational, logical process. 

Therefore, if we wish to replace our ineffective coping strategies with ones that are more effective, we must learn to bring ourselves back from being emotionally hijacked, to a more rational, centred state. 

Impulses are dumb… are we really stupid enough to do the things we know we should not do, while avoiding the things we know we must? 

A high level software engineer can formulate complex code in the mind, using technology in a way that most people can’t, and may earn a lofty salary… 

Yet this same person may have been fighting a decade long battle of weight gain, poor discipline, wanting to get in shape but repeatedly missing the mark and falling off track… 

In the west, we are blinded by believing intelligence only to be associated with one’s brain capacity and performance. 

What use is it being so smart, when you can not stop yourself from eating like a child? 

“True intelligence unites head an heart…”

Perhaps one moment you are thinking clearly, your mind is centred, you are in a rational, present space. 

Your phone rings, it’s your complimentary opposite, so you answer. 

Unexpectedly, an argument breaks out, you become emotional, hanging up the phone, and in your stress, attempt to find some sense of release as quickly as possible. 

You have been emotionally hijacked (triggered). Impulse has taken over. Now you are out of rational thought, unable to make sensible choices. 

If you do not find a way to return back to homeostasis, there will surely be some poor choices made, leading to the development of self-destructive habits. 

We want to learn how to un-hijack ourselves, for it is the spell of emotion we find ourselves blinded by that leads us to such impulsive, non-intelligent choices. 

As you further, you will learn very effective strategies and techniques for bringing yourself back to a rationally minded, non-impulsive state. 

It is as though we are possessed by emotion. 

Our consciousness has taken the back seat. 

Our ability for rational thought and consequential thinking are asleep… 

Ones state has become more yin, chaotic, ungrounded, feminine, and child-like. 

I once attended a cyber security event, where a man made an incredible statement that changed my way of thinking forever. 

There was a presentation on how to ensure hackers don’t get in to your system, stealing sensitive data and running programs against your will. 

He said something so insightful… 

“The best preventative measure against hackers is to always consider the possibility that you are already hacked.” 

What does this mean? 

It means to have constant vigilance. 

To be extra careful, and mindful for the possibility of emotional hijacking and its influence on choice making. 

To watch yourself continually, constantly aware… objectively observing your impulses, your thoughts, and your state of being, while remaining detached as though you are a third person.

At any moment you could be emotionally hijacked yet completely unaware of it. 

Hacked… 

Infiltrated… 

Disabled in rational, consequential thought. 

Meditation is the greatest method one can use in becoming familiar with what it means to be the objective observer of oneself.

You are not your thoughts or feelings, when you choose to be the observer of them. 

If you choose not to observe, you will be tethered to the mind, unable to discern between what is you, and what is not…

Becoming Conscious of Trauma Responses

Renowned psychologist said it perfectly: 

“Until we are able to make the unconscious conscious, it will direct our life and you will call it fate”

Every time we find ourselves triggered and pulled out of our emotional centre, there is an opportunity for self discovery. 

Through self awareness we can explore that which lays dormant beneath the layers of our psyche, all the way back to our earliest years of life, and even beyond into the lives of our ancestors. 

Often times, emotional hijacking (if observed honestly) directs us back to our childhood years. 

This is a highly sensitive time for all of us, where our subconscious is being programmed with beliefs, ideas and approaches to solving different problems. 

The experience of childhood trauma has a substantial effect on the trajectory of our lives.

Trauma is where such unintelligent problem solving begins… 

With suboptimal parenting and experiences during childhood that are more challenging for the child to process. 

Blame brings us no closer to finding rational, effective, real solutions… it only hinders one more. 

As said above, trauma is the greatest opportunity for us, given by God as tests so we may learn how to conduct ourselves masterfully throughout life. 

Childhood trauma leads to the development of coping strategies that can be extremely destructive to oneself and others, we can refer to these as trauma responses.

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Here are some examples of ways in which trauma takes root in our subconscious, along with some trauma responses (coping strategies) that tend to develop in most of us. 

Abuse/ exploitation: 

Have you ever had somebody you love and trust purposefully hurt, abuse, or take advantage of you? 

Have you ever been humiliated, lied to, cheated on or manipulated by somebody you considered to be a friend or loved one? 

Such an experience leads one often to lack trust in others, to be overly suspicious about people and their intentions, which prevents the healthy development of long-term, strong relationships. 

Abandonment:

Perhaps one of your parents walked out on you or left the family due to circumstances unknown… 

Did you lose a parent when you were younger?

Maybe a romantic partner or dear friend ghosted you all of a sudden, or you moved around a lot during your early years and never had a chance to feel a stable sense of home and belonging… 

If this sounds like you, your trauma response is most likely to keep people at an emotional distance, refusing to let anybody see you in a vulnerable state, and leaving others first, so you do not re-experience the feeling of being left. 

Emotional depravation:

Significant people in your life can be there for you physically, yet absent on an emotional level. 

Maybe you were provided with (or are being provided for) on a materialistic level, yet you feel starved of intimacy, attention and affection… 

Did you or do you feel deprived of empathy, understanding and emotional connection with those closest to you? 

Or did you often feel alone or unsupported when experiencing challenging emotions? 

Experiences like such can lead us to take on the identity of the lone wolf…

Overly-relying on oneself, attempting to do everything alone, even when this is not the best solution to a problem, however small or large.

You choose not to ask others for help, for the fear of showing weakness.

Shame/ unworthiness:

The psychological and emotional tole it has on a person to repeatedly receive criticism, every day, is deep… 

When we’re constantly made to feel as though anything we do will ever be good enough, it’s hard not to internalise the rejection from such critics and resort to self blame. 

“It’s all my fault”, “I’m not good enough”…

This often leads to timidity, being overly-apologetic and hyper-sensitive. 

It also plays a grand role in perfectionism, over-achieving and being overly self-critical. 

Nothing is ever good enough… 

Dependence/ incompetence:

Being molly coddled and overprotected can also be at the root of ineffective subconscious programming. 

When you’re repeatedly being made to feel as though you are clumsy, unable to do anything by yourself, and dependent on others it can lead to enmeshment and an underdeveloped sense of self. 

A fragile ego, with no clear sense of personal identity. 

Such a person finds it hard to remain grounded in their emotional centre, suffering greatly with self-doubt, masking their insecurity with smiles and laughs, and finding themselves in relationships that are co-dependant…

Overly-depending on the other to have their physical, emotional and practical needs fulfilled. 

Disapproval/ being unrecognised:

An overemphasis on one’s appearance, status or achievement during early years can lead a person to becoming overly approval and recognition seeking. 

Perhaps you were pressured to get good grades in school and only shown love and recognition for what you did and achieved as opposed to just being you. 

In this case, self worth becomes entirely dependent on external validation as opposed to internal validation. 

It’s all about wanting to be liked by others, through external means, which often leads us into low-value, unsatisfying relationships with a lack of feeling safe to be our real authentic selves.

A person who has experienced this level of trauma will find themselves anxiously people pleasing, becoming pushovers with low self worth and respect. 

Externally full, yet internally empty…

Emotional invalidation:

Being punished for feeling a particular way…

Being made to feel as though our feelings our invalid, that we’re being a cry-baby or unreasonable when attempting to set respectful boundaries… 

This experience leads a person to then suppress and invalidate their own feelings. 

At least… until they can no longer be pushed down. 

Avoiding their problems and living in denial, due to being programmed with the belief that expressing one’s emotions is inherently negative. 

The cost? 

Emotional outbursts, challenges in managing anger and having difficulty expressing and communicating their feelings consciously or non-violently. 

Self Parenting: Choosing More Intelligent Responses

If any of the above sounded like you, and you have identified trauma responses and destructive coping strategies that are lowering the quality of your life, this might help you… 

As our trauma responses were programmed into our subconscious during early years of life, we must learn to re-parent our selves in the here and now. 

Jordan Peterson said it in his book, 12 rules for life: 

“Treat yourself like somebody you are responsible for helping.”

If you had a child, would you allow them to act as impulsively as you do? 

Would you treat your child the way you treat yourself? 

Of course not… 

You would not force feed your child, yet if you binge eat, that’s what you’re doing to yourself. 

You would not want to abandon, neglect and invalidate your child, yet when you ignore your emotions and suppress them that is what you are doing. 

You would not put a cigarette in your child’s mouth, but that is what you’re doing to yourself… 

You would not put your child in front of a screen for hours at a time, when they could be out playing…  yet you do this to yourself. 

Mastering our impulses and choosing more intelligent ways of finding solutions to our problems requires us to adopt the mindset of a caring parent, where we are also the child. 

This does not mean to be overly soft with yourself, nor overly strict. 

It means to be what an effective parent would be. 

To be the person you needed when you were a child, that you perhaps did not have. 

The supportive one. 

The sensible one. 

The one who gives you the best treatment, for that is what you deserve. 

This leads us into an intent of love, for parents love their children, therefore in re-parenting ourselves we learn to truly, rationally love ourselves. 

The dutiful type of love. 

The committed type of love. 

The, “I want what is best for you” type of love. 

The “It’s all going to be ok” type of love… 

And it truly will be ok. 

The better we are at parenting ourselves, the better we will be at parenting our children. 

Once you resist your impulses, using the tools I have shared so far and much more down below, you will never go back… 

You will find balance… 

Peace… 

And joy… 

Willingness: Embrace The Suffering Voluntarily 

Impulsive behaviour has one priority over everything else. 

That is… speed. 

Whatever serves as the quickest way to provide some sense of a problem being solved, some sense of gratification… impulse desires it. 

It may not be the best solution, as already discussed, it is often a terrible solution, but it is fast, and that is all the mind cares for. 

Anything that provides a rapid sense of relief is sure to give us a spike in dopamine. 

That being, without being too scientific, the reward chemical in our bodies and brains. 

We feel a sense of reward and relief when we give in to our impulses. 

Like scratching an itch. There is pleasure in it, but more itching soon arises and the scratching becomes insatiable. 

Because we have grown so used to overly-producing reward and pleasure chemicals in the body, refraining from such impulsive acts begins by feeling somewhat painful. 

“Every front has a back”. 

There is a cost to quick pleasures… that cost is the feeling of deflation that comes when we no longer partake in them. 

The only way is through… 

There is no avoiding this penalty effect for giving in to our cravings repeatedly. 

There will be some sense of deflation and suffering for a short while. 

Yet it will all be worth it. 

For the good news is, our dopamine (reward) levels normalise again over time. 

Therefore, you need only suffer for the time it takes for your brain and body to adapt, reaching normal baseline levels of dopamine once again. 

Quick pleasures grant us an abnormally quick and intense sense of gratification.

Human beings are not supposed to experience such rapid reward without the input of energy, time and work. 

However modern society is rampant with easily accessible quick fixes and intense pleasures. 

This is not in line with our design. 

Therefore when we choose to disengage from our impulses, there will inevitably be some discomfort, withdrawal and deflation. 

Face this head on. 

There is no better way to go about it. 

If you’re half in and half out, you may fall back into impulsive patterns. 

Go all in, head first into the wind and rain. 

I’ll give you a story to paint this principle in an analogy… 

One recent morning I was out running.

It was raining, and my shoes had holes in them. 

“My socks are going to get soaked” I thought to myself. 

But I did it anyway. 

While running I noticed how much I was avoiding the puddles on my track

Yet due to the holes in my shoes, my socks were already getting wet… 

Realising my resistance to discomfort, I decided to flip the approach by 180 degrees. 

Intentionally, purposely, I jumped into the largest puddles I could find. 

I got as wet as I possibly could. 

It was a truly joyous and liberating experience. 

What a beautiful way to start the day…

A smile was wide across my face, and I felt strong, running out in the rain while most people were still tucked away in bed. 

The point of this story is that when it rains, there are two types of people 

There are those who simply get wet and miserable.

And there are those who feel the rain. 

The avoidance of suffering only breeds more suffering. 

It’s like going to the beach and wanting not to get sand in your shoes or on your clothes… 

Again… rather dumb. 

Embrace the suffering that will inevitably come as you withdraw from impulsive behaviours. 

Intend to face it fully, with no avoidance or timidity. 

Just like jumping in the puddles… 

Get as wet as you possibly can. 

This is the way of innocence. 

The wisdom that children have, that we adults must find once again.

The result? 

A joyous, fulfilled, beautiful life. 

Worth it? 

Always…

Monks and prisoners have a lot in common. 

They both eat mush for breakfast. 

They both live in isolation. 

They both rise early in the morning, and sleep early too.

Yet there is on difference that defines the tone of their experience greatly… 

What is it, I wonder? 

The prisoner does not wish to be there… 

While the monk does… 

Often times our suffering comes not from our circumstances, but rather from our resistance to them. 

The monk and the prisoner have very similar circumstances. 

However one resists, while the other surrenders… 

One is at peace, while the other is in misery. 

I tell you this so that you may apply it to the inevitable suffering that comes with withdrawing from impulsive behaviour. 

There will be suffering. 

However… if you embrace it your experience will not be so painful. 

Suffer willingly, and recognise that suffering as an indicator for you inner strength. 

You are growing stronger by the day my friend…

Note: During the process of returning to baseline dopamine levels, it can help to reach out to others for support. If you’re quitting something, find somebody close to you who wants to do the same. 

Go into battle together, it always helps having allies… 

The Art of Mindlessness

Do you ever feel inner conflict? Multiple desires pulling you in opposite directions… 

It’s near impossible not to do the thing you feel compelled to do while thinking about it repeatedly. 

For example, if your intention is to not eat any junk food today and cut your sugar intake down, it’s going to be extremely hard when sugar is on your mind constantly, especially if you’re fighting with yourself, trying not to either buy some from the shop or get some from your cupboards. 

Snoozing the alarm of a morning goes the same way. Perhaps you lay there thinking of how you should get up, then thinking of reasons why you should stay in bed, being pulled back and forth in different directions. 

The process of inner conflict depletes one’s willpower greatly. 

There is another way to go about this… 

I like to call it, Mindlessness. 

It is through negotiating with the mind that we often give in to excuses. 

The trick is in ceasing all negotiation. 

Stop all arguing with your mind, you will never win. 

Whether you’re trying to get yourself to take action, or attempting to avoid a particular behaviour, negotiating with the mind nearly always leads to a loss. 

The mind can not be beaten at its own game, that being… thought. 

You can not outthink the mind, just as much as you can not out-look your eye. 

It is not possible to bite your own teeth, nor is it possible to touch your index finger, with your index finger. 

I suggest a different approach… 

Mindlessness is being in a state of no-thought. 

You might think this is much easier said than done, but I promise you, it’s not actually as hard as everyone seems to make out. 

There was once a man who was in charge of managing an electrical power plant. 

One day, there was an issue with a very important piece of equipment. 

The power plant could not run as normal, as long as this problem ensued, so the man called his engineer, attempting to find a solution as soon as possible. 

In walks the engineer, who was shown the faulty machinery and asked to take care of the problem. 

“Right away, but it will cost you he said”

“How much?” Said the manager of the power plant. 

“£10,000,” the engineer responded confidently. 

“What?!!” Exclaimed the manager, shocked by this un-just request. 

“Do you want to get your power plant running again or not?” The engineer continued. 

“Ok… fine. But I have no idea why it would cost so much to fix this. Please, do your work,” the manager requested. 

The engineer walked over to an incredibly complex looking piece of equipment. 

Hundreds of switches and dials, different coloured lights and knotted cables put together in organised chaos. 

“Click…” 

The engineer flicked a single switch, and returned to the man in charge. 

“Ok… here’s your invoice for £10,000” he said. 

“Are you crazy?!” The manager was infuriated at the simplicity of this solution and refused to pay the grand total. 

“How can you charge me £10,000 for flicking a switch?”

Looking down at the invoice he saw two charges. 

There was one for £1 with a note next to it that read “turn off the switch”

Then underneath was the second of £9999. The note on this charge read “Knowing the right switch to turn off”

Silencing the mind is not hard, yet most people find it difficult because they do not know which switch to turn off. 

A regular practice of meditation will surely help you in achieving a mindless state, for it will show you the right switch I am referring to. 

It is not through attempting not to think of an elephant that you stop thinking of an elephant… that only does the opposite. 

You stop thinking by disengaging from all arguing, negotiating, labelling and judging of thoughts. 

When you practice this first in meditation you will come to realise that thinking is always a choice. 

The choice to label a thought as interesting or uninteresting, as significant or insignificant, as positive or negative, or worthy of arguing with… or not. 

What you will come to realise (if you practice and not simply consume this writing) is that every thought either gets a yes or a no from us.

If the thought gets a yes, we think into it more, drifting into an internal conversation with the mind. 

If the thought gets a no, we think of it more, for we intend not to think of it, like not thinking of an elephant, which only leads to thinking of an elephant! 

This yes or no is called judgement. 

Mindlessness is achieved through non-judgement. 

Release all judgement from thoughts. 

Do not engage with them. 

Do not argue with them. 

Do not negotiate with them. 

This will only lead to your demise… 

Disengage fully. 

Imagine a monkey, tapping you and poking you, begging for your attention and attempting to distract you. 

Every time to you turn towards the monkey and say “stop doing that” you lose a point. 

The game here is to keep your attention straight ahead… 

Giving no energy whatsoever to the monkey. 

Eventually it will grow bored when it realises that you are not reacting. 

The result… mindlessness. 

From this state there is no fight to fight. 

There is no inner conflict. 

There is no battle taking place that sucks you of your will.

It is from this place that you are far more able to make better choices. 

To do the things you know you must do, when negotiation with the mind would usually lead you into avoidance and procrastination. 

And to refrain from the things you know you would prefer not to do, when similarly, negotiation with the mind would usually lead you to doing it anyway. 

Here’s how I enter a mindless state, there are a few key details that can help greatly. 

1. Look straight ahead, be attentive of your eyes, do not let your eyes wander away. 

This will help you focus and become present, for scattered eyes signal a scattered mind, and centred eyes signal a centred mind. 

2. Make intention to judge no thought that enters your mind. 

Label no thought as good or bad, desirable or undesirable. Cease the internal pattern of negotiation that so often leads to disappointment. 

3. Move, let your body lead you, not your mind.

The opposite of mind is body. If you’re laying in bed thinking about getting up, and also thinking about staying in bed for longer, you’re going to find it very hard to rise. 

This principle is about moving, doing rather than thinking, mechanically, don’t think, just do. 

Just… move… your… body… 

Observe your body moving, watch it stand up, watch it make your bed, then walk into the bathroom, brushing your teeth, and so on… 

Let your body lead you in such cases. 

Trust me, it’s not as hard as you think, achieving a state of mindlessness and learning to access it in any moment. 

Remember, these tips will help you but a regular meditation practice will help even more. 

Sit for a set period of time, start with 5 minutes and make the intention not to judge a single thought. 

No judgements, as best as you can. 

No labelling, no chasing, no arguing, no digging… 

Just watch… just breathe… just be. 

As best as you possibly can. 

Soon, what I have mentioned here will all become clear and mindlessness will be a state you can access at will. 

Practical Methods For Managing Impulses

I want to make this as practical for you as possible. 

When you feel an impulse next, to satisfy a craving especially, I will know this Mastery Letter has served you if you implement any of the following techniques.

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1. Replacement 

Remember, constantly thinking about the thing you want to stay away from will only lead you towards it. Where attention goes, energy flows. 

Therefore, it serves better to place your attention somewhere else, not on the thing you’re trying to stop, but rather on that which you’re moving towards… 

Your replacement. 

Energy can not be created nor destroyed, it can only be converted from one form to another. 

Apply this principle to habits. 

There is no such thing as habit deletion. 

You can only reallocate you resources in memory to some other behaviour which eventually overwrites the old habit. 

Habit replacement is what I’m talking about here. 

When you next feel an urge to scroll on your phone, smoke, eat out of boredom, or suppress emotions with any form of will-power-sucking behaviour, tell yourself the following, this is self parenting:

“I’m sorry, we can’t do that right now, but what we can do is … (insert replacement)”

With your attention on the new activity you will be far more likely to refrain from impulsive activity. 

You’ll know the replacement is good enough when it pulls you in so deeply that you’re no longer even thinking about that which you felt an impulse for. 

A good way to choose an effective replacement is to consider what need your impulsive behaviour is attempting to fulfil. 

Here are 4 needs you may want to consider closely when next experiencing impulsivity. 

• Certainty
• Novelty
• Connection
• Significance

Inquire into what your true intentions are for such impulsive behaviour. 

Once you become aware of what need is attempting to be fulfilled, you can find a new, more wholesome way to satiate that need. 

For example. 

I used to sit in my shed and smoke weed repeatedly. I realised this was a way for me to decompress, connect with myself, unwinding and yielding more into the present. 

Ultimately, the need I was attempting to fulfil was the need for connection. 

I would also, while smoking, watch YouTube videos of podcasts. I realised this also was an attempt to feel connection, for I felt as though I was in a room with interesting people, talking about interesting things, while smoking joints. 

Of course however, this was only a simulation of being in such a setting. It wasn’t the real thing, it didn’t give me a real sense of connection, and therefore the need was never fulfilled with that approach. 

Impulse’s lack of intelligence once again. 

I then began to pray, meditate more often, recite verses of the Qur’an out loud, using my voice and connecting deep within. This was exactly what I needed. The healing that took place in doing this was profound and still continues to benefit me today. 

The habit of smoking weed was replaced with acts of worship. Praying out loud especially. 

Perhaps smoking tobacco will be replaced something similar, yes… more Qur’an recitation! 

So…

That’s what a replacement strategy looks like. 

Get clear on the need that is attempting to be fulfilled from the list of 4 above. 

Find a more wholesome way to fulfil the need. 

Take action on this… 

2. Postponement 

If you read last week’s Mastery Letter on willpower (which I recommend you do) you would have read the story of a man who learned the art of impulse control from a wise old man. 

In that story, the wise man repeatedly asks the suffering man to…. “Wait”. 

That is what I am asking of you here. 

Wait… 

Become a professional waiter. 

When impulse arises, say wait… in five minutes we will do (insert impulsive behaviour) 

Constantly delay…

Tell your ego that it can have what it wants in 5 minutes. 

Repeat again and again. 

Endure, and you will be surprised with what happens. 

The desire will fade, and you will learn that not every desire need be fulfilled. 

For desires come and go, just like all things…

3. State Regulation 

When you’re in an impulsive state, it’s impossible to see things clearly. The truth is distorted, consequences are inconsiderable and we act out of line with who we truly are. 

It is as though we have left the building, while somebody else has taken over our body. 

This is why emotional dysfunction can be so dangerous. It can lead us to do things we would normally never do, things we most definitely will regret after returning to our senses. 

Learning how to regulate an impulsive state is therefore invaluable, allowing us to save ourselves and others from unnecessary pain. 

Here’s how I am learning to bring myself back from an impulsive state (I’m applying this with smoking and it’s helping to reduce nicotine intake significantly, I intend to use these methods to quit very soon, inshallah (God willing)). 

3.1 - Notice you’re in an impulsive state

As said above, meditation will help you greatly in cultivating self awareness. Whatever label you want to apply to your practice, become more observant of yourself, more mindful, more present in the moment. 

Why? 

Impulsive behaviour patterns can unfold with incredible speed. If your impulses are happening so fast that you’re already in regret before even realising you were in an impulsive state, then you must level up your awareness. 

When you are triggered into an impulsive state for one reason or another, there is a window of time between the trigger and an impulsive behaviour. Awareness allows us to widen that window between an emotion and reaction.

This grants us more time to then regulate our emotional state and then choose our response more wisely. 

You can easily recognise an impulsive state by looking for the following indicators: 

• A sense of craving (I need more right now) 
• A sense of aversion (I need less right now) 
• A sense of anxiety and scattered-ness
• Any other challenging emotion
• Compulsive behaviour, itching or fidgeting 

These are some of the main signs to keep an eye out for. 

So, after noticing that you’re in an impulsive state, then what? 

3.2 - Say it to yourself

This has made a huge difference for me. 

When recognising that I am in an impulsive state I say to myself internally “I am in an impulsive state”. 

This seems to bring things into perspective, providing some space and distance from the impulsive feelings by distinctly identifying it and calling it out. 

It also allows one to expect irrational behaviours to arise, for that is what impulse does… 

3.3 - Ask the impulse what it wants to do

Once you have called out the impulsive state, I recommend asking “What does this impulse want to do?” 

It will become clear that it either wants to make you go and argue with somebody after disagreeing or feeling invalidated, to overthink in the attempt of solving a problem, to consume something, to smoke… whatever your coping strategies have been until now. 

Use this inquiry to make clear what exactly the impulse wants to do. 

This grants more space and awareness in the heat of the moment. Especially when triggered intensely. 

3.4 - Detach 

Many of my meditation students have let me know just how positively affected their lives were by learning how to practice the skill of objective observation. 

It is not you… it is a thought. 

It is not you… it is a feeling. 

When meditating, you are eventually able to see the frequent arising and passing away of thoughts and feelings. This makes it very clear how you could not possibly be either of them. 

You are not your thoughts and feelings, nor your impulses, you are the observer of them. 

Practice observing your impulsive state, its thoughts, desires and sensations throughout the body. 

Do not to try to control any of them, just observe with interest and curiosity, as a scientist would when observing a test subject through a microscope. 

Examine the details with an attitude of detachment.

3.5 - Take space to be alone

I was recently triggered into an impulsive state by being given criticism at 6:20 in the morning. 

For me, this is far too early for anything other than positivity. I tend to shield myself from others in the early hours, during my morning routine, but sometimes these things are unavoidable and happen as a reminder for valuable lessons. 

While receiving this complaint I was on my way out for a morning run. 

Upon returning, I attempted to communicate with the person who’s complaint triggered me, hoping to set a clear boundary for the sacred hours of the morning. 

I was made to feel invalidated. That I was now the one complaining. “Stop complaining” this person said, when funny enough, I was attempting to set a boundary and ask that I receive no complaints, negative talk or criticism that early in the morning again… 

I had being told to stop complaining, when it all started with me being complained at, at 6:20am. 

I made it clear that if this was not respected I would have to regretfully resort to avoidance during those sensitive hours instead. 

Yet… no matter what I said, i felt now that my feelings were invalidated. This triggered me even further, I felt anger… and an impulse to argue… but no… 

Space helps in situations like this, so I left the room and continued with my morning routine. 

If I had given in to the impulse to argue, it would have only made things worse. Sometimes space is the best way to resolve such things. 

Sometimes, those who have a tendency to invalidate feelings enjoy seeing you engage in an argument, losing your emotional centre even more…

I advise you not to take the bait… 

Walk away. 

3.6 - Be still and Silent

Lay or sit down, get comfortable, allow yourself to fidget somewhat, then do not move a muscle for a determined period of time. 

Break the pattern of unconscious impulse through the practice of body stillness. 

This is very hard for some of us, but with training, you will surely find the positive difference rippling through your entire life. 

3.7 - Take deep, mindful breaths

Centring our emotional state can not be spoken about without mention of the breath. 

The continual rhythm of inhalation and exhalation are what keep us living. Breath is intimately connected to all human function, both physical and metaphysical. 

When you’re feeling impulsive and reactive, sit down and take deep, mindful breaths. If you can not sit, do this while standing. 

Slowing down the breath is key. 

I use the term, LSD breath… 

No, not the psychedelic. 

Long…

Slow…

Deep…

Breathing. 

If you struggle with smoking, here’s what I have found. 

Create a small round shape with your lips, as though you would when whistling. Breath in this way, it will slow down your breathing, for only a small amount of air is allowed to enter the mouth. 

The cooling sensation on the back of the throat due to this shaping of the lips also brings us back into the present and provides a sense of relaxation. 

Vaping and smoking is often times pleasurable due to throat sensation we feel, and the slow, deepening of the breath that takes place during the act. 

This can be emulated without a cigarette or vape, and has in fact been a game changer for me in delaying gratification. 

Additionally, for the case of smoking under stress, you can even lift your fingers up to your lips as though you are actually smoking, do this while breathing as instructed. 

I call this technique, the invisible cigarette. It works surprisingly well, and is much cheaper than smoking too! 

3.8 - Reflect on past experience 

When it was time for my meditation practice, something interesting then took place. 

I have a practice of asking myself the question, when feeling intense emotion “when did I first feel or experience this?”. 

The emotion will most often present a memory, connecting me back to a time where I felt similar. 

In this case, I was shown a mental movie of a time when I was very young, being bullied by my older brother, begging him to stop picking on me, yet sadly, he continued. 

This memory showed the younger version of me being invalidated, with no attention payed to how I was feeling, as though how I felt and any attempt to communicate boundaries did not matter at all. 

Note: Poor boundaries are greatly connected to digestive diseases and skin conditions. Learning to regulate an impulsive state is invaluable, for emotional dysfunction is no joke, and central to many diseases and illnesses. 

End note. 

3.9 - Imagined, Ideal Intervention 

Here’s where something interesting happened. 

Witnessing this younger version of myself being bullied and invalidated, I then considered how I could intervene in this mental movie and help him get what he needed, to give him what he wanted, right in that moment. 

There are endless ways to do this, the limit here is the limit to one’s imagination.

This does not need to make rational, realistic sense, we are now in the deeper levels of the psyche, similar to a dream. 

I pictured a powerful being flying down to where this bullying was taking place (a room in our old house) and landing, with a crashing, high impact effect.

Shockwaves were sent throughout the room, everyone else in the room was overwhelmed and even scared, yet the younger version of me was calm, for he knew this intervention was for him. 

This character was like superman. My imagined higher self. 

3.X - Zoom out 

I saw him take the little version of me in his arms, then flying up into the sky, beyond the Earth’s atmosphere and into outer-space. 

There, he showed the younger me how stars and planets existed. He said to the younger me, “Allah has created all of this exists and beyond, you are one with all of this… so, can any of this be invalidated?”

It was beautiful, for I felt the sense of anger wash away. Clearly, the truth is that nothing can be invalidated, that the scale of the universe is so grand, that a human perception can not matter so much as to invalidate any of that creation. 

Then… the younger me felt compassion for those who were bullying me. It was my brother, my sister, my mother and father… He realised that all of them had felt invalidated, and it was for this reason that they were then attempting to invalidate me… 

He directed The Higher Self back down to our old home, where we then, together, took my entire family up into the space, offering the same experience. 

“Look at all of this creation. Stars, planets, and more… You are all one with it, how can any of you be invalidated?” The higher self said once again. 

We then all merged into one. 

Unifying with each other. 

And I felt as though the impulsive state was resolved. 

Your experience will undoubtedly be different to mine. 

Use your imagination, yet regardless of the intervention you choose, I encourage you to practice zooming out beyond your body and into outer space. 

This really brings us back to a sense of reality, for how big are our problems, when such grand creation exists, and how can we be invalidated, when we are a part of all of this? 

3.XI - Exercise 

Many of us are already using exercise as a way of coping with challenging emotions. 

Whether you’re conscious of this or not, it works. 

Move your body when you feel you are in impulsive state. 

Shake your body, lift weights, go running, practice yoga, get into your body in whichever way you prefer in that moment. 

Movement is medicine, it allows for the movement not only of physical energy, but emotional energy too. 

When we move our bodies, we expel energy that does not serve us laying stagnant within. 

3.XII - Wash your hands and feet (or perform Wudhu) 

The ritual wash performed in Islam before each of the 5 daily prayers is called Wudhu. 

This requires a person to wash the hands, mouth, nose, face, arms, ears, head, neck and feet. 

There is particular instruction on how to do this, I will provide a link for you here: 

If you prefer not to do this (even though it is blissful) then simply wash your hands and feet, mindfully. 

Over the last decade I have taught the practice of Wudhu to many non-muslims. Still to this day they perform the washing ritual, for it provides a sense of renewal and refreshment like nothing else. 

Cold showers are also powerful in pulling us back into our centre from an impulsive state. If you have strong cravings, feel reactive, agitated or frustrated, take a cold shower and shock your body back into the moment. 

This will require deep, slow breathing. 

3.XIII - Offer a sincere prayer

Sometimes, if not most of the time, things are not within our immediate control. 

In fact, when I was struggling so much with impulsive behaviour during my weed addiction and binge eating disorder, I lost all self control… 

Believe it or not, but it was only when I began to pray to God for help that things started to change for the better. 

Three steps to a wholesome prayer are:

• Repentance (forgive me for my weakness and what I have done) 
• Gratitude (thank you for all that I have and beyond)
• Request (asking for that which you need and want) 

Three islamic terms for these if you’re interested are…

Astaghfirullah (Forgive me Allah), Alhamdulillah (All praise be to Allah) and Inshallah (Allah(God) willing)

Conclusion 

If I haven’t already said it enough, I’ll say it again… 

Impulsive behaviour is dumb. 

Why? If it is not yet clear… impulsive behaviour takes place when we are triggered, emotionally hijacked, pulled out of rational thinking and placed more in a whirlwind of irrationality. 

Intelligent choices can not be made from such a state. 

Note: Perhaps this is why men are found by measure to be more intelligent than women. It’s not that women are stupid… it is that they are not as rationally minded as men and can therefore tend to be more impulsive. 

This is not a bad thing… for impulsive behaviour is feminine in nature… yin… 

This I would say is sign of a healthy woman, for a woman too rational is cut off from her feminine intuition, which goes beyond intelligence.

She doesn’t need to be like a man, and we as men should not want her to be. 

Women are beautiful as they are, less rational, more intuitive… 

It’s beautiful

Perhaps something we will explore further another time. 

End of note

The way to reduce impulsive behaviour is not to force yourself… it is to regulate your state. 

When your state comes back to one that is centred, regulated, calm and rational, you will be far more able choose more wisely… 

Your behaviour will be back in your hands. 

Your free-will, will return and increase… 

Do not fight fire with fire, control it with water… 

The deepness of that statement if you come to study the 5 Chinese elements (with or without me) is too deep. 

Intelligence is not the measure of one’s brain capacity… 

It is ones ability to unite head and heart, which are essential for the priority here… Regulating the impulsive state and preventing the firing of unconscious trauma responses. 

Learn to parent yourself, perhaps even better than our parents did… (without meaning to be arrogant and ungrateful for our parents). 

Self awareness is essential in all of this, for without awareness you may as well be walking through the dark cave of your psyche, without any light to reveal the way… 

Be extra vigilant in watching yourself, learn to enter a mindless state by letting go of all judgement towards thoughts and feelings. 

Observe, do not judge or attempt to control. Witness, as though watching from a third person view. 

This is the root of spiritual practice. To detach from your self, for what you believe to be you, is in fact but a wave upon the surface of an entire ocean. 

If there is one thing you can take from this Mastery Letter in learning how to control your impulses… 

Let it be this… 

Become highly skilled in the ability of identifying when you are in an impulsive state, and master the skill of bringing yourself back to a rational, regulated, relaxed state of being.

Do this… 

And watch your entire life change for the better. 

Health, 

Wealth, 

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Happiness, 

Relationships… 

And with that being said, I wish you the best week. 

Thank you for reading all the way through. 

It truly is appreciated beyond knowing. 

FREE Habit tracker template… 

FREE Consultation call with myself, if you’re interested in building confidence, discipline, inner-peace and self respect… 

Links on this page… 

Stay sharp. 

Stay rational (especially if you’re a man) 

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Usman

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