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I used to have a box of “memories” that got so full I couldn’t store any more.

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These were items charged with sentimental value that I had been given either as gifts, tokens of departure or gestures of love from people across the span of my whole life.

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Love letters, photos, silly things that reminded me of how things used to be or adventures now passed…

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From each item I could pull out a story or past experience which I could then share with others.

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You might be wondering why I’m speaking about this in the past tense.

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Well, to put it simply… I burned it all away.

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Every last bit. The tokens of love, the portals of nostalgia, those last little threads serving as connections to what once was.

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Why did I burn it all?

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The box was getting full…

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One day I was looking through the items and although there were some cute things in there I noticed myself thinking “this is so sad”.

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Sad not that such moments were now in the past, but rather that I was somehow attaching happiness, love and connection to items I would almost never see or use.

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In that moment I decided I to get rid of it all.

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Was it easy?

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I surely found it somewhat challenging.

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“Oh… maybe I should keep just this one”

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There were some items I found hard to let go of. For example, photos of me and an ex-girlfriend (may Allah forgive us all).

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“If I get rid of this one, then that’ll be the end of it” I thought.

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As much as it felt frightening, it felt right.

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To my surprise, burning all those so called memories gave me a kind of “hmph” feeling.

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I was expecting some intense emotions to arise.

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I thought i’d be crying as I “finally said goodbye” to those past experiences.

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That wasn’t the case. And in this I learned something very valuable.

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These items are not memories, they are rather like portals which remind us of a memory.

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Memories are stored within the mind and heart.

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If you get rid of all that which you’re hoarding, you won’t forget those whom with you shared love.

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You won’t lose those joyous experiences and adventures.

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You entire life is encoded within your heart. You’ll remember on a deep, subconscious level forever.

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And in detaching from the items you so dearly prize, you’ll be blessed with even more happiness and inner peace.

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For peace is not then whether future or past, but rather ever-present in the here and now.

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Letting go of the past

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We’re continuing from the previous letter where we explored the idea of being more present in life.

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For many of us it’s our attachment or disappointment with the past that blocks steals our peace.

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I’ve thought about my ex-girlfriends and wondered whether or not “they were the one”. I’m sure you’ve thought the same.

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The surest way to cause yourself pain is to wallow on “what ifs”

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Maybe they were the one or maybe they weren’t.

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Surely if they were, you would still be together right?

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In your case it might not be about a relationship

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It might be more-so a job, an opportunity, or a way of life you once lived.

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Again… I can relate.

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I used to live in a tent, travelling around the world, sleeping in caves, working in Eco Villages smoking tonnes of weed.

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A part of me sometimes wonders whether or not that was my purpose in life. 

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A fragment of doubt arises about whether or not my decision to build my own business and return to Islam were the right choice. 

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But then I remember how miserable I became. Floating from one country to the next, knowing deep within that I had something important to bring to this world, yet not knowing how…

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It was deep depression and emptiness that lead to my return.

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It was powerlessness and addiction that brought me back to Islam.

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The message I’m attempting to transmit here is that our problem with the past is often around the question of “whether or not we made the right choice”.

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Should you have continued on as you were?

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Should you have stayed in the relationship or pursued that particular person?

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Whatever the “should” is being cast upon, know this…

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You’ll never know how life would have been if you had decided differently.

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The process of life is so incredibly intricate that the mind can not predict how events will unfold.

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If you struggle with ruminating over the past and a part of you believes you made a mistake then here’s your first actionable step:

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Actionable Step: Ask yourself the following 3 questions

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• Did anything good come from changing course?
• Was there anything you learned from that experience?
• Can you accept where you are right now?

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You will never have peace in this life if you are unable to accept where you are right now.

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Does that not strike your heart? 

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Think about this seriously for a minute.

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No matter how much you get, achieve or accomplish in this life, you’ll never be happy or at peace while the mind still ruminates about the past.

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Therefore a key to achieving what you truly want is learning to accept every detail of your life up until this point.

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Actionable Step: Make a list of all the past experiences you’re finding hard to accept. Write down all the “shoulds, coulds and woulds”.

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Just writing this list can be healing, for it will allow you to accept and notice the parts of your life story that you’re still fighting. Most likely many of these have gone unnoticed until now.

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How To Let Go Of Your Attachments

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If you’ve heard me share this story before, try and take something new from it. If you haven’t, then here you go.

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The relationship with my second girlfriend (at age 24) was one of the most difficult periods of my life.

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If there were scales that could measure drama against good times they would surely be tipped in the direction of the former.

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Every week there was something new to argue about. This as I’m sure you can tell is completely not my style.

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You couldn’t pay me enough to take on drama. I’m allergic to drama. Drama for me is like… salt to a slug…

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Nevertheless, this relationship brought a LOT of it.

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When the drama-fest came to an end I remember waking up very early in the morning, going for a walk and witnessing the sunrise in sweet solitude. 

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I did this for three consecutive days without the need for will-power or force. 

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Something within me just knew it was the right and necessary thing to do.

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Each time, amongst the rising sun I would meditate, grieving and crying, letting go of the pain I had felt for having hurt somebody I once cared dearly for.

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On the third day something wild happened.

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During my meditation I saw an image of this ex-girlfriend (who’s name I won’t share out of respect and dignity).

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In the image she was so sad…

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If you’re an experienced meditator or you’ve taken plant medicine you’ll know that awareness itself can guide you through a healing process.

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You don’t actually need to do anything, but rather let awareness/ the light of consciousness lead you.

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This ability to tune in and be guided is called intuition.

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My intuition in that moment told me that I had to let her go. That I had to allow this image of her in my mind to move away, as if in a sense I was offering her back into the flow of life, releasing my attachment to her or what could have been.

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This is where it gets interesting.

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The thought of letting her go was terrifying. I was scared, and feeling a sense of dread I clutched on to the image of her more tightly.

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“If I let her go she’ll be in even more pain” my mind thought.

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“You have to be courageous. Trust, have faith” the intuition said.

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And so I took the risk.

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I observed (in my mind’s eye) the image of her fading away. 

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She was sad, crying with her face in her hands.

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Then something I never would have expected occurred.

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When she reached a certain distance from me (in imagination) and had somewhat crossed the point of no return (through my sincere willingness to let her go despite the pain), her sadness faded and was replaced by joy.

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She smiled, her crying stopped and it was as though her spirit was free to carry on living.

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Honestly… I was shocked.

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This was the last thing I would have expected to happen.

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Letting her go made her happy?

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It seemed very much so.

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I learned some valuable lessons that morning, sitting in front of the orange, rising sun:

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1- The mind will always feel afraid to let go

2- On the other side of that fear is a surprise you could never expect

3- Attachment is not love, it’s fear of loss

4- True love lets go and does not get in the way of the divine plan

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Actionable Step: If you’re not meditating regularly already, start learning how to and practice every day. The awareness you cultivate through meditation is healing in and of itself.

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Often times letting go doesn’t require you to do anything. Rather it requires a state of being and surrender that only regular meditators are familiar with.

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And very naturally that leads me to suggest that if you are curious about meditation and want to learn how to develop your own daily, bullet-proof practice, for focus, inner-peace and spiritual depth, check out my meditation program “Alpha-Mind”. (Click here)

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Apologies for the quick promotion, and thank you for being here.

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I would never offer you something if I wasn’t 100% confident that it would change your life dramatically.

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Let’s continue…

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Actionable Step: Make a list of the things in life you’re most afraid to lose.

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These could be people, objects, pets, or even aspects of yourself.

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This actionable step is good because it allows you to shed light on some things you’ve probably never looked at before.

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Or at least never written down before.

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Write the list, your brain will start making preparations for letting go in the background.

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Summary

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It’s better if these letters don’t go on too long, so let me wrap this up with a quick review.

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In order to be happy and at peace you need to learn how to stop living in the past (or future).

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Doing that requires an acceptance of all that has been until now.

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Perhaps there were events you still can’t understand, perhaps you never will…

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The bottom line is that they happened and can not be removed from the story of your life.

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What you can do however is change the way you see such events.

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In other words, learn to tell a new story. One of triumph and not despair, whether you were genuinely a victim or not.

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Let go of your attachments, this is how you liberate yourself on the highest level.

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If you want to do that, meditation is the starting point.

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Also, you can make progress by not listening to your mind and learning to surpass it’s limits with action.

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The other side of fear always yields a surprise.

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In the next letter we’ll explore:

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• Letting go of the addiction to happiness
• (The secret to letting go) Letting go of resistance
• Letting go of the idea that the solution to your problems is “out there”

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And more…

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More information on my meditation program “Alpha-Mind” here.

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If self destructive behaviour patterns are ruining your life and you’re tired of feeling sick, stuck and trapped in a vicious cycle I have something for you.

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Read more about The Unchained Method where I’ll help you overcome your limiting beliefs, become the person you’re most proud of and win back your self-respect. (More info here)

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Finally, build the daily habit of mindful movement and learn about Chinese 5 Element Theory for holistic lifestyle balance with The 5 element yoga system. (Click here)

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Or… here’s some free stuff you can enjoy without spending a single penny.

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Free Gift 1: Sign up to my free mailing list (if you haven't already), you’ll get a free training on how to breathe using your diaphragm (just one diaphragmatic breath is enough to make you feel sleepy and chill).

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Also get two free audio guides:

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1- A 3 minute micro meditation for rapid stillness

2- A longer, body based meditation for relaxation, recovery, healing and sleep

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Free Gift 2: Habit tracker template. This is the self-improvement key I was missing for so long. I felt stupid for not discovering this sooner…

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Download yours now and get started right away.

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Share of this letter with somebody you know who will appreciate it.

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Thank you for reading all the way to the end.

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As always I wish you well and most importantly…

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Stay sharp.

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@usman_unchained

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